Page 93 of Roommate's Guide to Love

“Are you serious?” Stella asks. “Do you really not know?”

“Clearly I don’t, or y’all wouldn’t be here.”

The three of them have a silent conversation in front of me—kind of rude—before I’m struck on the back of the head by a hand I didn’t see coming.

“Ouch! Ainsley!” I rub the back of it because I didn’t know she could hit, let alone hard. “What’s that for?”

“Because, we love you, but you’re being an idiot.”

“Harsh words from the nice one,” I say.

“Okay, you want harsh words? Listen up.”

Oh shit. Mama Maeve’s being mean.

“You love Porter. You don’t know it yet, which is fine, but you do. I’m going to guess he loves you because forehead kisses aren’t casual. And I’ve seen the way you look at him and now that I know what the looks mean…well, frankly, you’ve loved him for a lot longer than before tonight, and you’re just a little slow to the game.”

Ainsley chimes in. “And then there’s the fact that you send us twenty pictures a day of a baby that’s not yours, so I know you’ve grown attached to that little angel.”

“And let’s talk about the job,” Stella says. “I know you think everyone in this town still think you’re the hot mess from high school, but it sounds like the perfect job is at your feet, and only idiots would pass that by. And you, my sister, are no idiot. Though maybe you are if you didn’t know that you’ve been in love with Porter for years.”

I hear my sisters’ words. I really do. But…

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it,” Stella says. “Speak the words out loud. Don’t be in your head.”

Damn them for knowing me so well.

“It’s just…can I come home? I know I can, but it’s fucking terrifying. And Porter? What if he doesn’t want this? What if I’m making it up? What if he still is just being the nice guy from high school and I’m reading things wrong?”

“Or, what ifyou’rewrong.”

I look over to Ainsley, who’s apparently channeling her inner Maeve right now. “Excuse me?”

“I said what ifyou’rewrong. What if everyone wants you back? What if Porter wants you to stay? What if the school would love to have someone with your experience? What if for once in your life you stop thinking that everyone is still calling you names and you finally see that everyone wants you here, where you belong?”

I know I’m still a little drunk, but Ainsley’s words are blowing my mind.

“Damn…” I say. “I expect that shit from Maeve.”

She laughs and takes my other hand. “Well, I had to get mean to get through to you. I apologize.”

“Don’t,” I say as I wrap my arms around her. “It’s what I needed to hear.”

The rest of the night is spent sobering me up, and stealing leftover pie from the coolers, as I tell them the rest of the Porter story over the years. The details I wanted to share but didn’t. The times we almost got caught. We laugh, and I do feel lighter when we say our goodbyes.

But still, as I walk up to Porter’s house, there’s one question I can’t get out of my mind: What if?

What if I move back?

What if I tell Porter I want more?

What if I let myself be brave and do things I never thought I’d do?

What if I’m vulnerable?

Just…what if?

guide to love rule #38

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