Page 110 of Cruel Secrets

Everything is fine. It was just a bad dream.

I’m probably overreacting.

And even though I know that’s the truth, I’ve spent the last week with the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up like I’m being watched.

I need to see that Bianca is safe in her crib and that there’s not a monster lurking in the dark, waiting for their chance to ruin my life.

I need the reminder that Noah is dead.

When I leave the bedroom, I’m careful, testing the floorboards to make sure they don’t squeak while I make my way down the hall and around the corner to Bianca’s bedroom.

My hands shake as I reach for the knob and open the door.

Royce looks up at me from the rocking chair, one eyebrow arched as his gaze drops to the gun in my hands. He shifts Bianca in his arms, smiling down at her as she makes a little sleepy noise before her eyelashes flutter.

“Everything okay?” he asks, his voice soft but firm. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I tuck the gun into the back of my waistband. “Bad nightmares, and then I woke up and you were gone. I thought something might’ve happened.”

“If there was something going on, I would wake you.” He continues rocking in the chair, humming to Bianca as she tucks one thumb into her mouth.

“I know.” I rake a hand through my hair, counting my exhales until my heart rate is back to normal. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to get the thought of Noah’s death out of my head.”

Royce stands and nods to the rocking chair. “Sit.”

After a moment of hesitation, I take the gun out and set it on the table in the hallway before going over to the rocking chair and taking a seat.

He sets Bianca in my lap. “This is all you need to worry about right now. Just hold her and feel that she’s happy and healthy.”

Tears sting at the corners of my eyes as I wrap my arms around Bianca, holding her close to my chest and watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. Even as we get closer to her second birthday, I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to how perfect she is.

And it all could have been taken away from me.

A couple weeks isn’t enough to feel like everything is going to go back to normal. I still can’t sleep at night, and I worry about leaving her alone with anyone other than Royce or Skyla.

Then there’s my mother, who blames me for Noah’s death.

I can’t blame her for that one, though. Although I wasn’t the one to pull the trigger, I’m the reason he died.

Royce crouches down at my side, his hand on my knee. “I know this is hard for you, but we’re going to be just fine. All of us.”

“I still hate when you say that everything is going to be fine.”

“It’s the truth, though. Bianca is happy, we have a new house, and we have the rest of our lives to look forward to.”

“I know.” I hate the sharp pain that rises in my chest like a warning. “I know all of that, and yet I can’t shake the feeling that Noah is going to resurrect himself and come back to haunt us all.”

“He’s dead.” Royce squeezes my knee lightly. “He’s never going to be able to come for you again. Bianca will never have to know that her uncle was going to take her from us.”

“It’s not as easy as putting it all behind us,” I say, whispering as Bianca starts to snore.

Carefully, I stand, trying to avoid jostling her as I walk over to the crib and put her down inside. She keeps her thumb in her mouth as she rolls to the side, reaching for the baby blanket Ellie gave her as a housewarming gift last week.

Royce loops his arm around my waist, leading me out of the bedroom. He grabs the gun on our way by. “We’re going to enjoy the rest of the night.”

I glance at the clock on his nightstand while he puts the gun away. “It’s two in the morning. We should be sleeping.”

He gives me a flat look as he puts his hands on my hips, pulling me to him. “Are you really going to be able to go back to sleep?”

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