Page 51 of Cruel Secrets

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

ROYCE

Driving around only broughtme to one grim truth: I’m going to be the worst father to ever walk the earth. How could I be a good father with all the shit in my life? With one psychotic asshole trying to hunt down my family and another psychotic fuckhead running my family?

I’m a walking disaster and I’m going to drag Bianca down with me. Even standing in her doorway and watching her sleep reinforces that thought.

I can’t shake the dread seeping into every inch of my body, burying itself into my bones. Bianca shifts in her sleep, as restless as I feel inside. I wasn’t there for her first steps or her first words—hell, I barely know what she likes for breakfast.

How the hell can I be the dad she deserves when I don’t even know what that looks like?

Outside, the wind is still howling, snow whipping around with it, the icy shards as dangerous as the monsters lurking in the shadows of my life. Right now, in the warmth of this room, everything is safe. It’s calm.

In this moment, I can focus on being the dad Bianca deserves… though trying to do that before I know that she and Gia are safe is near impossible.

Bianca stands up in her crib, dark hair a mess as she clutches the side and rocks back and forth. The pink footie pajamas she wears bunch up around her heels. “Hi!”

I can’t help the smile that crosses my face as I turn on the lamp in the corner, casting a hazy yellow glow through the room. “Hi, kiddo.”

She laughs and reaches for me as I lean over the crib and scoop her up. I get her changed before rummaging through her drawers for a little purple plaid dress and some dark tights.

It only takes a couple minutes for her to be set on the ground, her diaper going flying across the room while she races in the other direction.

My jaw drops. “Bia, you get back here right now.”

She shows off a little smile before giggling and running to the other side of the room when I try to catch her.

This is horrible, even though it is funny.

If Gia were to walk in right now, I know she would tell me that I’m a failure as a father. She would make it known that she’s better off doing this on her own just like she did last night.

And I hate that I agree with that.

She would be the first in line to point out everything I’m doing wrong, taking me down peg after peg until there was nothing left. Not that there’s much left to begin with. My father and brother saw to that when they turned me into what I am.

“Bianca, come back here.”

She laughs and keeps running around, not caring one bit that she is naked.

I don’t know how the hell Gia has been doing it for as long as she has.

By the time I finally catch Bianca and get her properly dressed, I feel like I’m half out of breath and ready for a nap.

Bianca giggles as I hold her close and sit in the rocking chair in the corner. She tugs on my shirt, standing up in my lap and reaching for one of the kid’s books behind me.

I take down the book and flip it open, reading the story to her as we rock back and forth. It feels strange to be doing something this normal while knowing that Noah is out there, searching for us.

I have to treasure this as much as I can.

Footsteps creak in the hallway and my spine stiffens. I hold Bianca a little tighter, pausing to listen, my foot drawing up onto the edge of the rocking chair so I can reach the gun strapped to my shin.

The steps grow louder. They don’t sound heavy enough to be boots.

Gia.

I breathe a soft sigh, foot going back down on the ground. As I loosen my hold on Bianca, she shifts, her head tilting to the side, a sleepy little smile on her face.

Everything is okay. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.

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