Page 52 of Cruel Secrets

Gia appears in the doorway as we get to the end of the book, her eyes shining as she looks between the two of us, but her mouth pinched into a tight line. “I could’ve gotten her.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten.

When I open them, she’s still standing in front of me, but now she’s closer.

I hold Bianca a little closer, setting the book to the side. “I’m not going to sit here and fight with you again, Gia. I don’t have the energy for it and to be honest with you, I may not know anything about being a parent, but I know Bianca doesn’t deserve two parents who keep arguing with each other all the time.”

Gia swallows hard, pausing in her stride across the room.

It feels like she’s hovering on the fence between snatching Bianca from me and waiting to see what happens.

I hate the limbo we’re stuck in.

She slumps against the changing table, running her hand through the messy strands of hair. “I’m trying to be better at this, but she’s been mine and mine alone for months. It doesn’t come easy, and I keep lashing out at you, even though I know that this is my fault.”

My lips press together as I stare at her, trying to figure out what’s going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

I get up, balancing Bianca on one hip until I get to Gia. “I wouldn’t want to raise a child like how I was raised, and how I think you were probably raised too. I know it’s our job to raise the next generation, but I don’t know why we have to do that when they start walking. They should be old enough to choose between right and wrong.”

Gia reaches for Bianca, and I let her take over, brushing past her out of the room. I don’t have time to deal with this right now.

Going around in circles with Gia is only making me miserable.

I’m tired of being miserable.

* * *

“Can we talk?”Gia stands in the doorway to my office after lunch, looking the same as she did this morning, her eyes wide and her bottom lip between her teeth.

I nod and get up, leaving the work behind. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I was thinking we could take Bianca outside to play on the swing out there.” Gia shifts her weight from one side to the other, her hand on her hip before it falls to her side.

“Sounds good.”

We pull on some coats and boots before stomping through the leaves to the playset. Gia puts Bianca into the baby swing, giving it a soft push.

As Bianca giggles, we take turns pushing her back and forth. I don’t know what to say right now. In fact, I want Gia to be the one to break the ice.

For the first time since she got here, I want to know everything going on in her head instead of the things she deems too much to tell me.

The secrets got old over two years ago, and they’re even more exhausting now.

I want her in my life. The good parts and the ugly ones.

She’s the mother of my child.

Gia hums for a moment before biting the inside of her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

My eyebrow arches as I give Bianca another push, grinning when she bursts out with another round of giggles. “About last night?”

“And this morning.” Gia shifts to the side, coming to stand beside me. “I know that I should be more open to how willing you are to help with her, but it feels like a piece of me is being erased if I do that.”

“I understand that you feel like I want to erase you, but I don’t. I have no clue what I’m doing when it comes to being a father, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be a horrible father, but I still want a place in her life. Even if it means that I have to work a million times harder than anyone else.”

Gia clears her throat. “I wish I could believe that.”

Irritation flows through me as I give Bianca another push. “You were the one who left, and you were the one who robbed me of the chance to get to know my own daughter, so why can’t you believe me when I tell you that I want to be part of her life?”

---