Page 4 of Always You

Alex didn’t turn back to check if I was still there. He kept walking as if he were sure I would follow. And despite everything, I found myself drawn in by the simple act of following someone who seemed to know where they were going. It was a relief, in a way, not having to decide to move one foot in front of the other.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d let someone lead. Not since I’d served. But now, in this unfamiliar place, with the weight of the past and the uncertainty of the future pressing down on me, it felt okay to follow.

As I approached the door that Alex opened, a sudden wave of fear washed over me, cold and paralyzing. It wasn’t only the unknown of what lay beyond that threshold, but a deeper, more primal fear of confinement, of being trapped in a space I couldn’t escape, both physically and mentally. The open door, plain and unassuming, seemed to loom larger with each step I took.

I stopped a few feet away from him and that barrier. My heart pounded, and the sense of dread was all-consuming, a thick presence that filled my throat and made it hard to breathe. Somehow, the corridor, with its muted light, felt as if it was the last safe place before stepping into something entirely foreign. I’d done this before. I’d walked into towns destroyed by bombs, where danger lurked around every corner, where terrified kids held weapons, and where every step might end on an IED. I should have been able to handle one fucking room.

“What…” My voice barely rose above a whisper, strained with the effort to keep my composure. “What’s… what’s in there?”

I could feel the weight of his gaze as he turned to look at me, his eyes searching mine. I wasn’t only asking about the physical space behind the door; I was asking a hundred questions all wrapped up in anxiety and fear.

Alex’s voice was calm and reassuring as he explained. “It’s a welcome room. A place for you to rest and feel safe.” He gestured toward the door, his movements slow and deliberate. “This door locks, but only from the inside. You’re in control of the space. And there’s another door at the back of the room that leads to an open space. It’s like a small courtyard, with a table and chairs under an awning. You can get fresh air whenever you need it but be safe. Do you want to look?”

I shook my head, but I didn’t step back. I stayed still. “I don’t know. I… don’t know.”

He paused, giving me a moment, then continued. “Inside, there’s a bed, with clean bedding, some pajamas, blankets, and a heating control, if you like it cold, or hot.It’s safe.There’s a closet with some clothes, and a cabinet with snacks and drinks—coffee, teas, herbal things. It’s all set up for you.It’s safe.This space is yours until you feel like you’re done with it.” Alex’s eyes met mine, repeating that safe word repeatedly, as if that was what he wanted me to focus on.

“When I leave.”

He paused. “Or when you move to your own room.”

I still hesitated. The way he described it, the room didn’t sound like a trap, but more like a haven, a place where I could have some semblance of control. The mention of another door leading to an open space eased some tension in my chest. The idea that I wasn’t completely enclosed, that there was an escape route to the outside, made the prospect of stepping through the first door less daunting.

I looked at the door again, trying to envision the space beyond it as Alex had described. A bed, clothes, snacks—simple things, but what I needed. The fact that the door locked from the inside was significant. It meant I could have a space where I wasn’t vulnerable, where I could let my guard down, if only a little.

I took a deep breath. The fear was still present, but it mingled with a faint glimmer of hope. This room, this welcome room, might be what I needed to start putting myself back together, to find a moment of peace in a world that had become unrecognizable.

“I need you to trust me on this,” he said, his voice firm yet devoid of any harshness. “Go inside where it’s safe.” His words were direct, clear, carrying that same authority—an order that cut through my fear and hesitation.

I could trust orders.

Predictable.

I responded instinctively, and my feet moved of their own accord, carrying me toward the door. The fear was still there, but it was now overshadowed by the need to follow that directive, to step into the unknown because I’d been asked to. I peered into the small room. A single bed was tucked into one corner, and a small table with a couple of chairs was in another. There were skylights the same as in the kitchen, with blinds that could keep out the light, and I noticed a small stack of books on the bedside table.

The walls were painted blue, and a few framed pictures of landscapes hung on them—fields of flowers… peaceful. It felt as though someone had taken the time to make this space not only functional but comforting, a place where I could let my guard down.

I turned to Alex, who’d stayed at the door—to one side, not blocking me—watching quietly, giving me space to take it all in. “One night?” My voice sounded foreign, rough with unspoken emotions.

“The first night, maybe more if you want,” Alex replied gently. “Everything here is for you. Take your time, and settle in. The door locks from the inside, and this is a key.” He handed me a small key on a chain. “You’re safe here.”

I nodded, my eyes lingering on the details of the room.Safe. That word hadn’t truly applied to me in a long time. I walked over to the bed, running my hand over the smooth fabric of the sheets. It felt real, soft.

I could be warm here.

Turning back to Alex, I found my voice again, albeit shaky. “I… I… don’t…” I started, the words barely above a whisper, but what was I even trying to say?

Alex offered a small smile. “We have an on-call doctor. I’m going to get him to come check on you if that’s okay. Maybe an hour or so?”

I blinked at him, fight or flight kicking in and having me ready to shove him away and run. “No hospital.”

“No hospital. If you need anything, I’m just down the hall in the kitchen, come find me when you’re ready, okay?”

The moment Alex left; my instincts took over. I locked the door behind him, thesnickof the bolt reassuring. Then, I began to inspect the room. Years of being in unpredictable situations had ingrained in me the habit of always knowing my surroundings, of being prepared for anything.

I checked under the bed first, finding nothing but clear space. The closet came next. I opened it with caution, half-expecting something to jump out. There were some clothes hanging inside, and I reached out to touch a soft fleece, catching sight of the grimy gloves on my hands and pulling back. I wasn’t going to sully the treasures inside. There were boots in there, worn, different sizes, and some backpacks. The drawers of the small dresser were next, each slide and reveal confirming the safety and privacy of the room, and then, I checked the snacks, the small coffee machine, the pods, bags of teas, until there was nothing left to check.

My attention turned to the back door. I unlocked and opened it, peering out into a small area with grass and some emptyplanters covered in the snow that had found its way under the awning. I checked the lock on this door too, making sure it was secure before closing it again and twisting the lock.

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