Page 52 of Always You

“He seems to think he owns the place, right?” I joked, watching him claim his territory.

Jazz laughed, scratching behind Rascal’s ears. “Yeah, he’s taken over. It’ll be tough seeing him go when the time comes.”

I nodded, feeling a pang at the thought. “He’s been a good little companion, hasn’t he?”

“Do you think Guardian Hall needs a cat?” Jazz asked as if the question had only occurred to him in that moment.

Where would he stay? Would it be here with me? Or generally around the place? Outside? What did my cramped room have to offer a kitten?

“I’ve been thinking about knocking through the wall to the storeroom next to me just to create a bigger, more functional space in here,” I blurted, pulling Jazz’s attention from Rascal to me. “One side could be an office and the other a small living area with a bed, kitchenette and maybe a sofa.”

Jazz picked up Rascal and tucked him onto my chest before curling around me and resting his head on my shoulder. I pulled him closer, stroking Rascal and thinking how right it was to have Jazz in my arms.

“It would make things less cramped in here,” he said.

I tried to be nonchalant. “I’m just thinking ahead. We’re not kids anymore, and more room might make you want to stick around longer.”

He propped himself up on his arms, staring down at me. “I’d want to stick around even if we had to lie on the floor, but…” He paused and bit his lower lip, looking vulnerable, his eyes bright with emotion. “I’m not here forever.”

I swallowed hard, feeling a lump rise in my throat. The urge to ask him to stay, work at the shelter, help run Guardian Hall and be my partner in every way possible, surged through me, but I knew it wasn’t my place to dictate. Jazz needed to find his own path.

“Jazz,” I started, my voice soft, but firm. “I know that, and I understand. I guess I’m just pretending.”

“Whatever I do, you’ll always be you, and you can pretend all you like.” He snuggled into me.

“I wish I could solve it all, make some magical proposition that fixes everything.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

He had his journey to work out. And as much as I’d love to have him here, with me, running this place alongside Marcus and the team, it wasn’t right for me to ask that of him.

“Alex, I love what you’ve built here. It’s incredible, and being a part of it has meant so much to me, even for a little while, but I need to figure out what comes next for me so I can be the best person for you and what my place in the world looks like.”

I held back from saying that he was the right person for me. He needed to be happy and whole before I burdened him with my feelings. Still, his honesty did little to ease the ache in my heart, but I nodded, understanding his need for independence and self-discovery.

“I just want you to know, whatever you decide, wherever you go, you’ll always have a place here,” I said. “Not just at Guardian Hall, but in my life.”

Jazz squeezed my hand, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I know, and that means everything to me.”

In other words, let’s enjoy what we have together while we have it. I’d waited twenty years to be back in Jazz’s life; I could handle a few more, and I would help in any way I could to heal his heart.

I glanced at the clock. It was nearing midnight, and Guardian Hall was quiet. Marcus was on duty, and with nothing to do but lie there and hold Jazz, I was settled and happy. He didn't usually stay to sleep, but when his breathing deepened, it was all too easy to close my eyes.

I was jolted awake by a sudden, violent shift in the bed. In the dim early morning light that filtered through the curtains, I could barely make out Jazz’s form, but I felt the full weight of his body pinning me down, his fingers digging into my shoulders. The panic in him was real. His breath came in sharp, ragged gasps, and his eyes—wide and unseeing—burned with a mix of hatred and fear that wasn’t meant for me.

A sharp, distressed yowl erupted from beneath us, and I realized with fear that Rascal was trapped under my arm. I tried to shift my weight, but Jazz gripped my throat and pressed hard.

“Jazz, it’s me, Alex!” I managed to say, my voice strained under his weight. “You’re safe, you’re okay!”

He didn’t seem to hear me, lost in the throes of his nightmare. His hold tightened, and for a moment, I feared for our safety—his mind was somewhere else, battling demons I couldn’t see. His face was twisted in pain, every muscle taut as if preparing to confront an immediate danger.

I struggled beneath him, trying to leverage him off me without hurting him—or the kitten. “Jazz, wake up!” I pleaded, my voice edged with panic.

He snapped out of a deep trance, and his expression shifted. The hatred and fear melted away, replaced by confusion, then horror as he realized where he was—and whom he was pinning down. He released me and rolled off, scrambling to the edge of the bed, his breathing heavy and uneven.

“Alex, I—” he stammered, his voice breaking, hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—I thought?—”

“It’s okay,” I said quickly, sitting up and checking on Rascal, who, though scared, seemed unharmed. I scooped him up and held him close, trying to soothe the kitten who was making frightened noises. My heart still pounded fiercely, adrenaline coursing through my veins. The fear lingered, but concern forJazz took precedence as I watched him fight to regain his composure. He nodded, unable to meet my eyes, his face pale.

---