Page 34 of Lady of Ashes

Sorin only nodded, not looking at his Third, but Rayner grabbed his arm, tugging him to a stop. Cyrus glanced over his shoulder at them before nodding to Rayner and trudging up the stairs, leaving Rayner and Sorin alone.

Rayner released his arm, sliding his hands into his pockets. His swirling grey eyes were pinned on Sorin as he waited for him tospeak.

Sorin swallowed thickly, his eyes roaming around the now empty room, before he ?nally found the courage to say the words he hadn’t wanted to voice. The words that had been haunting him since he found her marriage band ?oating on a bed of shadows.

“What if we are too late?”

“You would know, Sorin. You would know if she were gone,” Rayner answered.

When you ?nd her, she will not be the same as when she left.

“What if …” Sorin swallowed again, dragging a hand down his face. “What if the Oracle is right? What if she is not the same?”

“She will be different, Sorin,” Rayner answered. “We do not know what she has been experiencing, but no matter what it is, it will have left its mark.”

“What if I do not know how to help her, Rayner? What if I cannot be what she needs when we ?nd her?”

Because at the heart of it, that was what scared him most. What if the mark left on her by this, by her former Master, was so deep, was so raw and brutal, he couldn’t help her? What if he was no longer what she needed? What if he could no longer help her ?nd the stars in the darkness? What if she was so lost to her shadows that he couldn’t reach her? What if there was no way out?

Rayner was quiet for a long moment, staring out a dust- and grime-covered window. “I think that if there is anyone who will be able to be what she needs, it will be the one who has always seen her for exactly what she is. I think she will need the one who has never once given up on her, even when she wanted to give up on herself. I think that the Fates gave her exactly who she needed, and I think the Fates gave you exactly who you needed, and this will not change that.”

“And if it is not enough?” Sorin asked, meeting Rayner’s eyes.

Rayner shrugged. “Will you give up? Will you ever stop trying to be what she needs?”

“Of course not.”

“If she is so different you hardly recognize her, will you walk away from her? Will you help her ?nd someone else to ful?ll what she needs?”

“No,” Sorin growled, the mere idea of that making thoughts of violence rise to the surface. “She is mine, and I am hers.”

“Then there is your answer, Sorin. Be hers, and you will be exactly what she needs, just as you were always meant to be.”

They stood in silence for a few more minutes before Rayner said, “Are you ready to go eat?”

Sorin nodded, following his Third to the stairwell and climbing the stairs to the second ?oor. The sound of chattering and laughter reached him through the door when they came to the landing. Rayner reached for the door handle, pulling it open and leadingthe way through the converted mess hall. They would eat in the kitchens, at the private tables set up where they’d all congregated last night.

They were halfway across the room when a delighted squeal reached Sorin’s ears, making him pause and turn to the source.

“Sorin!”

A little girl with blonde curls was sprinting across the room. He hardly had time to open his arms to catch the child as she ?ung herself at him.

“I got you this,” she squealed again excitedly, shoving something into his face.

He leaned back, trying to see what was in her hand, and burst out laughing when he realized she was holding a cookie. He took a bite of the treat, giving her a wide smile in return.

“Little Tula, I think you have grown since I last saw you,” he said, shifting her slightly in his arms.

The little girl nodded seriously, her baby blue eyes wide as she replied, “I had my birthday. I am so big now that Nuri started teaching me how to ?ght.”

“Has she now?” Sorin asked, his brow arching at that.

She nodded seriously again. “She made me a sword out of wood for my birthday, and she practices with me. Do you want to see it?”

“I do, but I need to eat ?rst,” Sorin answered.

“Do you want to sit with me?” Tula asked, her little head tilting to the side with her question, as she ?ddled with the collar of his tunic.

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