Page 113 of If I Never Met You

Laurie laughed. ‘Because when you’re half black, black-ish, everyone has the same five reference points for you. I’m collecting them. I’ve had Missandei fromGame of Thronesand Marsha Hunt already this year. What’s funny is none of them look remotely like each other.’

‘Shit, sorry,’ Angus said, and she winced: he was obviously a benevolent character.

‘No no, I’m flattered!’

‘Better than who I get. Alex Salmond, usually.’

Laurie hooted. ‘Not true.’ She paused. ‘Singlehood. I’m quite nervous about the idea of being with someone new.’

‘It’ll be grand. Like riding a bicycle.’

He had a friendly face, a kind face.Was Jamie going to go home with that girl?

‘You’re so pretty,’ Angus repeated.

‘Thanks.’

Angus leaned down and put his mouth on hers, and Laurie only processed she was about to be kissed, once the kiss had begun. She responded at a delay, feeling as if she was standing outside herself and observing what it was like with someone unfamiliar, who moved their mouth differently. It was neither unpleasant nor that great, she decided. One milestone passed though. The first kiss after Dan.

A coughing, right by them, and they moved apart. Jamie was watching them, holding Laurie’s coat.

‘Shall I get you your taxi? Looks like you’ve had enough,’ Jamie said, and with his tone of voice, Angus said, ‘Right ho,’ and made himself very scarce, very fast.

Jamie whisked Laurie round the corner, propelling rather than holding her, and when he was sure they were alone, said: ‘What the actual fuck? Remember the whole thing about no cheating during our dating? It being a humiliation for the other person? And the Christmas party being kind of important?’

He looked utterly furious and Laurie found herself stuttering apologies.

‘Seriously, outside theChristmas party? Are you for fucking real?’

‘Sorry,’ Laurie said hanging her head like a naughty schoolgirl. ‘I’m really sorry. I didn’t think.’

Jamie stared at her, as much it seemed in disbelief as fury.

‘Thank God it was only me who saw, I guess. And I don’t matter.’

‘Well. Neither do I.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You’re drunk,’ Jamie said, but she wasn’t, and he knew she wasn’t, and it was merely a welcome way out for both of them.

40

Torrential rain, the emphatic Manchester sort, the size of stair rods and sounding strong enough to break glass, bucketed down. It was as if the weather had reacted to what she’d done. The sky had exploded, the way Jamie did.

At home, Laurie lay down on the sofa, kicking her shoes off, feet hooked over the arm. She should take the dress off but she couldn’t bring herself to de-Cinderella yet, it might be years before she wore this again. Then she got up, lit some candles and put a Prince compilation on.

He was completely within his rights to let fly at her, she’d been reckless and selfish. She was trying to escape from herself, and everyone’s expectations, and their deal was collateral in testing what it felt like to tart about.

She couldn’t shift the sense she and Jamie were broadcasting on multiple frequencies now, that things were no longer necessarily about what they were about. Emily’s prophecies kept on coming true.

Ding-dong.

Laurie’s heart went bang and she sat up straight. She knewwho it was at the door; knew, and yet pretended to herself she didn’t. If it was anyone else, her dismay would swallow her. In that split second, she’d learned something about herself.

‘It’s Jamie.’

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