Page 51 of If I Never Met You

‘The impression we want to give with this photo is not: “Here we are getting heavy, guys!” It’s far more of a “question mark” kind of thing than that, for our debut. It’s a “here’s an outtake from what was obviously a very good evening, draw your own conclusions.” Essentially, we want to spark a guessing game. Appeal to the part of the brain that lights up during an Agatha Christie.’

‘Yes … I suppose so?’ Laurie said, hesitantly. She was allowing herself to wonder, at last, exactly how febrile the guessing game might be over this, and she didn’t much like the answer. She was trying to bottle lightning, without much of a bottle.

‘What were you thinking?’ Jamie said, eyebrows drawing together. Typical lawyer. Turning the tables on her attitude:have you got any better ideas? Well then.

‘I had no idea. Go on.’

‘I’m also thinking we want to get our photo early so you can get away and have your real Saturday night.’

Hah, he meanthis, but she appreciated the good manners.

‘I thought I could post the photo tomorrow morning, and tag you. Then you’ve perhaps not fully intended everyone you’re friends with to see it, but: “Oh no! Everyone sees it.” Including your ex. Are you set up to show tagged photos?’

‘I think so …?’

‘The way it works is you have to opt out. So if you haven’t, it’ll be there.’

Laurie nodded. He wasso muchyounger than her. So much. This was campaign strategy.

‘You’re on Instagram?’ Jamie said.

‘Ah. No.’

‘DOH. We need you to be on Instagram. Let’s set up an account and we’ll do it linked to Facebook, so that you draw lots of contacts from there over to Instagram. If we leave it public then your ex only needs to know it’s there, and he’ll be likely to check it.’

Laurie thought: huh. She’d given up the ‘predicting Dan’ game.

‘Do you have something handy in your photos on your phone you can sling on as an Instagram profile picture?’ Jamie said.

‘Uh …’ Laurie chewed her lip and opened her iPhone.

‘Actually, do you know what,’ Jamie said, giving her an appraising look. ‘Let’s leave you off Instagram, for now. Launching one tonight looks suspicious. You can appear on mine.’

‘OK. What’s your Instagram like?’

Jamie tapped at his phone and handed it over.

Laurie peered at the black and white profile photo, Jamie laughing at some unseen person, half in profile, looking predictably devastating. She read his bio aloud – ‘Call me when you realise none of this matters’ – and burst out laughing.

She glanced up at Jamie and to her surprise, he blushed. He’d seemed unembarrassable, and her opinion shouldn’t matter. Although that might still be true, the two things weren’t that closely linked.

‘Alright, it’s only humour, you snipe.’

He screwed his face up in a mock sulk which could’ve been nauseating, but his boyish charm carried it clear out of nause and right into almost cute. Laurie could see why lesser women than herself succumbed so easily.

‘It’s a bit …I’m no good for you, baby. I’m married to the sea,’ Laurie said. She feared she might be pushing her luck, but she liked the more light-hearted, larky side of her nature he seemed to unlock. Lad Banter Laurie, as Dan used to call it, not approvingly. It chased some of the ghosts away, albeit temporarily.

‘Hahahaha, married to the sea,’ Jamie said. ‘Right, hang on. I’m changing my bio to that now, it’s excellent.’

He fiddled with his iPhone and Laurie said: ‘You’re not really, are you? I was taking the piss.’

‘I know. And it was funny. There …’ he flashed the screen up at her. He had, as well.

‘Is there anything you won’t ironise? Do you ever have genuine feelings towards women?’

‘Yes of course I do! They’re very genuine for the two or three hours I feel them.’

Laurie groaned.

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