Page 55 of Last Night

‘And you? He thinks you’re the same age?’

I know this is nosy and possibly unfair. It’s hardly a comfortable subject. I feel myself doing that thing with someone I dislike: baiting them into saying something that proves my dislike is justified.

‘I’m – I was – two years older than Susie, so in London at that age, I think.’

‘Right.’

‘While we’re discussing your interest in my family, I’ve consulted a lawyer over those letters. In absence of a will, Susie’s house and possessions belong to myself and my father. What you did was illegal. You’d be much better off returning her things to me now, rather than letting this turn official and expensive.’

‘We’re really doing this at her wake?’ I say, feeling a lot more rattly and intimidated than I let on.

‘I don’t want to be doing this at all. It’s your choice that we are.’

‘Finlay? Itisyou! My goodness!’ A sixty-something friend-or-relative joins us and I’m very glad of the interruption.

I walk away before I say anything more, which would definitely not be in my Sunday voice.

‘What were you having intense confidentials with the sinister brother about? I’m starting to get a crush, you know. He flounced into that Caffè Nero like Dracula returning to his crypt at two a.m., after drinking his fill of virgins.’

‘Ugh, you have always had the worst taste. Apart from Francis.’

‘True.’

Justin conceding this immediately shows he’s in a reduced state. Francis shone briefly for a matter of months, a year ago, as a rare Justin official boyfriend and general joy to have around. Until Justin declared thatsorry, that much nice is just too much pressure!while Susie nodded her firm understanding and Ed and I boggled at each other. (‘Youwanta massive arsehole?’ ‘Poorly phrased, Edward!’)

Justin’s rosy-eyeballed with champagne and crying and is clearly finding it hard to be his usual ebullient self. Every so often he pats my arm absentmindedly: to wordlessly convey, once again:what on earth has happened, how has this happened?

We’re dreading life on the other side of this day.

When there’s a sense ofthat’s that, thenand ‘normality’ resumes. We’ve agreed we’re not honouring the pub quiz tradition for the foreseeable, to show our respects. In truth we’re fighting shy of it because the empty chair, the comeback that never comes, the packet of Scampi Fries we don’t need to buy, is going to debilitate us that much more. When this strangeness is over, the Not Hereness will truly land.

‘Thing is …’ I glance over to check Fin’s safely on the other side of the melee, ‘he wants me to return a box of diaries from Susie’s house. Remember when me and Ed played clean-up squad? He says anything in Susie’s house belongs to the family.’

‘How did he know it was there?’

‘He asked if I’d taken anything and I blurted it, like an idiot. Now he says he can lawyer up and make me give it up if I won’t.’

‘He wants her diaries that much? Why, for God’s sake? Who wants to know who fingered their sister in the third year?’

I nearly spit my wine out at this.

‘… That’s all it’ll be!’ Justin says. ‘God bless our Sue but they won’t give Samuel Pepys any competition. She once said to me, why would I read a book when I could watchSteel Magnoliaswith a tub of Chubby Hubby again?’

‘I don’t know what’s in them. I’m not going to read them,’ I say, uneasy.

‘There I was thinking the nose bag was the controversial discovery. I’d give them back to him, E.’

‘Really?’ It seemed so morally obvious to me to resist.

‘Yeah. If it’s going to turn nasty. You don’t need that.’

‘But … she’d hate him having them.’

‘She’d hate a lot about this but it’s not in our power, huh.’

This surprises me. Justin is much more of a pragmatist than I am. He was also much more alike Susie than me, which makes me think even she might agree.

‘She was his sister, Eve. He’s entitled.’

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