Page 45 of Mad About You

‘Oh, hah hah. We all know I’ve got the section of my Wikipedia subheadedControversycovered. If the waiter comes while I’m in the gents, I’ll have an espresso, thanks.’

Timely call of the bladder, Harriet thought.

‘Notice that our Calvin assumes he’ll have a Wikipedia,’ Sam said, once Cal had gone, and Harriet properly laughed this time.

‘In fairness here, I should tell you he’s not that guy.’

‘What guy?’

‘The one who traumatised a woman for life, in public.’

‘Ah.’ Harriet didn’t know what to say and hesitated. ‘He kind ofisthat guy though?’

‘Technically yes, he IS that guy. But he’s not thatkindof guy.’

Harriet felt this might be an argument of creeps the world over. Yes I Did The Thing But I’m Not Defined By The Thing, Like Those Other Guys Who Also Did The Thing.

‘The unfortunate thing is, he’s a hopeless romantic,’ Samcontinued. ‘Or more of a hopeful romantic, I guess. He has cherished ideals.’

Oh sure. Seeing a wedding day through not among them.

‘Was he hopeless or hopeful that day?’

‘Heh. Both?’

‘I wouldn’t presume to know what went on, obviously,’ Harriet said, checking herself. She didn’t want to lose what was left of her bed and board.

‘You’re not curious?’ Sam said.

‘Erm … yes, of course, but also not really. It feels too much like glorying in the worst day of someone else’s life, to be honest.’

‘You’re very principled,’ Sam said. ‘Gossip doesn’t usually involve celebrating people’s best days.’

‘True. Except the story about a lad called Errol at my school who got caught in flagrante delicto with a Lollipop Lady in an empty office. She left her lollipop sign propped outside the door. STOP. Haha.’

‘There’s probably a joke here about being “hi viz” but I’m too classy to make it,’ Sam said.

‘I thought you were brave that day, for what it’s worth,’ Harriet added. ‘I’m not sure I could’ve done it. You’re a good friend to accept that being visited upon you.’

‘He did offer to stay and tell her himself, to be fair to him,’ Sam said. ‘I knew it’d be a hundred times worse if he did. I brought it on myself, to some extent.’

‘Oh right!’ Reality, as usual, turned out to be shade more complicated than it looked. ‘I thought Cal just informed you he was off?’

‘He did, once we’d agreed I was the better messenger,’ Samhesitated. ‘I was probably keeping explanations brief, at the time. Have you met Kit?’

‘Only when she hired me and during the bridal shoot; she was pretty preoccupied.’

Sam glanced up, warily, and muttered, ‘Like Errol, we best stop.’

A second passed, then Cal pulled out his seat.

‘No espresso, and my ears burning. As I expected.’

Harriet smiled thinly and thought, you are a very unknown quantity. All in all, she was happy for him to stay that way.

21

Every wedding came with its idiosyncrasies, and so far, Danny and Fergus’s was that they didn’t want the ‘getting ready’ sequence of snaps – a great rarity, given Harriet’s price included it, and Yorkshire was known for its thrift.

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