Page 51 of Mad About You

‘That’s the one. If you don’t see me when you’re in, mention to the wait staff and if I’m in the kitchen, I’ll come out and say hi.’

‘Sounds great. Expect me soon, in my special bib.’

‘Shall we get off, then?’ Harriet said pertly to Lorna.

‘Nice to meet you,’ Cal said, as Harriet shepherded Lorna out of the house.

‘Ooh he’s dare I say, ratheracceptable,isn’t he?’ Lorna said, behind stagey raised palm, as they wove round Harriet’s car on the driveway.

‘Hmmm yes, he’s personable but also the bastard jilter who wants me out, remember?’

That was a point, she’d done next to nothing to expedite that. Cal didn’t seem bothered but if she let it drag much longer it’d look like an empty promise.

‘Is there any context we don’t have, that could make him notguilty-guilty of running out on his own wedding? I’m suddenly keen to find exoneration. Let us not rush to judgement. It is only Christian.’

‘The fact I can’t think of what that could possibly be suggests no, don’t you think?’

‘Dismaying,’ Lorna said. ‘Very hard to find non-problematic crushes these days.’

Harriet had thought on what Cal’s acceptable reasons might be, after that conversation with Sam at Zucco, and concluded:1. Of course his best friend said he was a nice guy, that is really the job description of a best friend and 2. There couldn’t be something Cal didn’t know, regards his decision to wed, until minutes before the vows. Even if Kristina was a nightmare, he still chose to (almost) marry her. It’s not as if grooms are picking up their phone messages, at that point. It was a cold-feet, bolt-spooking that showed when push came to shove, behind the seductive façade, Calvin Clarke could be incredibly ruthless.I hate Cal Clarke.Who has hostile graffiti in their own house?

It was a temperate day and they passed many artisan bakeries and bistros, people lunching on folding tables. Lorna huffed and Harriet braced for the standard tirade.

‘I understand pavement café culture in Paris, or Barcelona,’ Lorna started, and Harriet suppressed a smile. ‘Even Soho at a push. Not in Leeds on an arterial route with an Eddie Stobart wide load rumbling past, and a load of fag ash flying into my Eggs Benedict.’

‘As soon as The Dive gets a licence for a few tables you’ll be right into it.’

‘Of course, but that’s capitalism, which has nothing to do with good taste.’

Harriet had been mildly dreading this talking-to, so a combination of Lorna’s humour, sunshine and light exercise had put her in an unexpectedly positive frame of mind.

‘How do you do this?’ Lorna said, flushed and frowning at Harriet’s face, after they’d gone two hundred yards into the park. ‘You look like roses and soft-serve vanilla ice cream and I look like a sex case having a coronary outside court.’

Harriet hooted with laughter and then said: ‘Wait, wait – this is to butter me up before you have a right go, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it is. Alright, run me through why you think writing to Scott’s fiancée telling her not to marry him isn’t completely fucking mad?’

‘It’s a moral obligation. It’s solidarity with other women. And I’m not telling her not to marry him. I’m enlightening her about him, before she does.’

‘That’s not how she’s going to see it though, is it? Before we even get on to howhe’llsee it. What are you going to say?’

‘I’m telling her my story. Telling her the truth of what happened between me and Scott. No one ever told me what he was like. She deserves the warning I never got. Because I don’t doubt there were ones before me.’

‘It’s not like the mysteries of the human heart can be solved by leaving a stinker on Trustpilot though, is it? You think you’re going to pen her a letter saying your fiancé is a monster, and she’s going to write back first class and sayaw thanks for the heads-up, doll, consider him binned?”

‘No. Of course not. I think she’ll more likely be angry and hate me for a while.’

Lorna frowned. ‘Glad some reality is intruding.’

‘But once she gets over that, she might start matching up my description with her experiences. It might be the encouragement she needs. You should’veseenher outside that wedding, Lorna. She’s a hostage. She was me.’

‘You know how advice works, don’t you? The only advice people ever take is the advice they want to hear.’

‘So she doesn’t take it. Maybe it’ll be a year, five years down the line, and she’ll remember my letter, and it’ll count. It’ll give her the back-up she needs to have faith in her own judgement. Honestly, I cannot emphasise how much he screws with that.’

‘I dunno.’ Lorna looked away and Harriet saw the pinched look of scepticism on her best friend’s face. ‘Look Harriet, I can’t argue with your strength of feeling and I admire you wanting to protect her. If I may be brutal, however, would such a letter have worked on you?’

She kicked at a stone underfoot. ‘I don’t know. I think so. Maybe not immediately. It would’ve by the end.’

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