Page 59 of Mad About You

Things had grown so surreal that Harriet wasn’t anything like as abashed as she thought she’d be, coughing to this. Embrace the farce.

Cal emerged from the din of the front room and looked no less startled to see his ex-fiancée than Harriet had been.

Kristina was wearing – wearing the heck out of, in fact – a long, simple, black wrap cotton coat-or-dress, Harriet wasn’t sure, it ended mid-calf, with a leather, rope-like belt that tied in a bow like a shoelace. It was the sort of outfit that Harriet had only ever seen on famous people, on the red carpet. Her legs were bare and her feet were shod in pointed black satin ankle boots. She looked like she’d walked out ofMission Impossibleand could pull a hair pin out of her low bun that would turn out to be a lethal poison dart.

‘You moved our wedding photographer in?’ Kristina said to Cal, as if Harriet wasn’t there. ‘Classy.’

‘I didn’t know that’s what she was when I moved her in.’

‘You weren’t exactlyall across the detailof that event, I guess,’ Kristina said, icily, and Harriet couldn’t work out if she idolised her, feared her or wanted to be her.

‘Can I help you, Kit?’ Cal said. ‘I’m in the middle of my birthday do.’

‘Can we talk?’

Cal looked pretty stormy as he led Kristina out to the garden.

The word must’ve gone round that the ex was here, because the music shut off as if they were a bar trying to kick out stragglers. Although it wasn’t intended to be a full stop to the fun, only a pause while they assessed what was what, everyone looked deflated and there was a general confusion about whether the party was still underway. When one of the guests took the initiative and got themselves an Uber that arrived in a minute flat, three more piled in, and then there was an exodus.

‘She really is something,’ Sam said to Harriet, meaning Kit. ‘I’m going to get off, I don’t want to be punched again. Don’t let him get back with her, please?’

‘Is that likely?’ she said, startled. ‘Doesshewant to get back together?’

‘Oh, fuck knows. I’ve given up trying to predict the pair of them,’ Sam said. He put out his hand out and Harriet shook it.

After the house emptied, Harriet couldn’t resist heading up to her room, which both got her out of their way but also offered the chance to listen in on the garden conference. Would Cal sound brokenly contrite?

She sat down silently on the bed and tuned in.

‘It wasn’t an admin error, and it says everything you’d call it that,’ she heard Cal saying. ‘Turning up on my birthday, at this hour? It’s not on. Don’t do aggressive things like this.’

Nope, not contrite. Wow.

‘I didn’t want to upset you by crashing in, but you didn’t return my calls.’

‘There’s a reason for that; it’s because I didn’t want to talk to you.’

Woah!

‘If I can get over what happened, then you certainly can,’ Kit said.

‘That’s not how human beings work.’

‘We’re not finished business and you know we’re not. I brought you a gift,’ Kit said.

‘I’d rather you—’

‘Here’s your gift.’

There were soft, muffled noises and Harriet wondered if Kit had jumped him.

‘Fucking hell, put that back on!’ she heard Cal say, and Harriet at once made a connection with the bare legs and one-piece outfit, and Cal’s response, and had to clap a palm over her mouth to stop herself from snorting.

‘Why?’

‘Because being nude in public isn’t the done thing? I’ve got a houseful of people …!’

Had, Harriet thought.

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