Page 60 of Mad About You

‘If you mind them seeing, maybe that tells you something.’

‘It tells me I’m wired fairly normally, thanks. Seriously, Kit! Put it back on!’

Harriet put a pillow over her face to muffle her giggling and when she removed it, the action seemed to have moved abruptly to the hallway, where she could only make out the heightened tone but not the words.

Eventually the front door closed, and there was the sound of a car ignition and retreating exhaust.

Harriet couldn’t detect any more footsteps on the hallway tiles. She had a hunch that the scene was Cal standing dejected and alone, on his birthday, realising that everyone had left. It pulled at her heartstrings, even if the scorned woman stripper was his fault.

She opened the bedroom door carefully and tiptoed along the landing. Cal was, exactly as she’d pictured, stood with his hands in his pockets.

‘Er. Hi. Want a hand clearing up?’ she said.

Cal’s turned and his strained expression softened. ‘That’s really nice of you. Clear up, then a quick nightcap? It’s a bit of shit note to end on, this, isn’t it?’

‘Sure.’ She smiled, and his look of genuine gratitude gave Harriet a philanthropic glow.

It didn’t take the two of them long and when they’d finished, they both gravitated to the living room, with its burgundy sofa and the warm glow of the karaoke screen, blinking.

‘Operation Trash His Birthday was a resounding success,’ Cal said, as they sat down with bottles of beer, and Harriet didn’t know what to say to that, in light of historical crimes.

‘God almighty, she was naked,’ he continued. Harriet feigned not knowing what he meant. ‘Under that coat. She was doingthe flasher mac, booty call thing. I didn’t think that happened in real life.’

‘Lucky you,’ Harriet said, smiling tightly. ‘She wants you back?’

(Wowzers, she thought. Takes all sorts.)

‘No. She doesn’t. Kristina just wants to know shecouldhave me back, if she wanted. It’s all a power struggle for dominance, all the time.’ Cal put a hand to his forehead. ‘I need her to leave me alone now. I’ve had my fill of incidents.’

‘She’s forgiven you, then?’

Cal’s brow furrowed. ‘In what way?’

Harriet knew they were both quite bladdered but she thought this was spectacularly obtuse, all the same.

‘For running out of the church?’

‘Haven’t you had chapter and verse on that from Sam?’

Harriet shook her head.

‘I’m amazed, Sam bloody loves retelling this lurid yarn. That goes double when his listener’s pretty.’

Harriet remained impassive, while suppressing an involuntary thrill at the compliment.

‘I think he tried but I wasn’t very receptive to him telling me, to be fair,’ Harriet said. ‘I didn’t want to be … what’s the word. Prurient.’

‘Hah. Alright, well if you’re asking if Kit’s forgiven me, I feel like the time has come for the story of the wedding that wasn’t. Are you ready?’

‘Hit me,’ Harriet said. She was actually dying to make sense of it, at this point. He didn’t sound at all abashed and Harriet wondered if he really was about to exonerate himself, or finally confirm her worst suspicions.

28

‘Where to start … alright, so. By the time of the wedding, I’d been with Kit nearly three years.’

‘Can I ask a stupid, minor question,’ Harriet said, ‘When I met Kristina she told me she was always Kristina, “never Kris or Krissy”, but you and Sam call her Kit?’

‘Haha, did she? Well, there you go. That’s Kit in what she calls her “corporate psychopath” mode. Telling you that you had to call her by her full name was power play, that’s all. Making it clear she’s in charge. She’s Kit to everyone.’

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