Page 62 of Mad About You

Cal swigged his beer and sighed, picked at the label.

‘That was it. That was the moment any remotely sensible person would say, no, let’s not, eh? The writing is on the wall, Banksy-sized. She prostrated herself on the floor and wept on my feet. It was as if holding her to account for the affair would be an act of great cruelty on my part.’

Harriet gritted her teeth. She had seen for herself that Kit had some strange and powerful charisma. Like the tractor beam pull for an enemy spacecraft.

‘You already know the next part of KitBitOnTheSide Gate: we stayed together. The wedding was paid for and planned out. Do you know why I didn’t call it off? Apart from that cancelling it would’ve been a social ordeal and a lot of spending down the drain?’ He sighed. ‘I wanted to win. I’m so fucking ashamed of that. Above all, that is the part I hate myself most for.’

‘Win …?’

‘Seb wanted her to leave me. If we’d split up, he’d be right in there. He’d know he caused it. I have absolutely no excuse for myself here other than I was in a state of shock. But still. Bit of toxic masculinity intruded. I wasn’t going to have a bloke who wears Oakley sunglasses call my wedding off for me.’

‘Then on the day, you couldn’t go through with it?’

‘Oh no. I’d have actually gone through with it. A thought that chills my blood.’

Harriet frowned in confusion.

‘I’m stood there, in the church, wondering how to psychologically handle this completely hollow, grotesque sham that my stupidity, weakness and vanity has got me into. You know when you realise you want to get off the ride, but it’s right after they’ve slammed the safety bar down? It’s started moving, and it’s dangerous to let you off? It was that. I finally came to my senses at the point of no return. I got dressed that morning, feeling sick. Then who should swagger in and take his place in the pew in church, but Mr Skyscraper Climb Badge himself, Sebastian.’

‘What?!’

‘Yep. She invited him. Her piece of ass. And yes, the invites to her colleagues went outafterHotel Fitbit. It’s not as if I double-checked with her he wasn’t being invited, because who would DO that?!’

Harriet gasped.

‘Quite,’ Cal said. ‘I saw Sebastian, and in that instant, I truly knew Kristina. I mean, I already knew Kristina, but that wasso sociopathic as to be unreal. I never wanted to be near her again, let alone marry her.’

Harriet genuinely couldn’t find the words.

‘The universe had already offered me a respectable and eminently intelligent moment to walk away. What moment do I choose instead? The one that’s a huge fucking public disgrace and when my aunt and uncle have wasted the price of a Travelodge. When everyone thinks I’m the ice-cold shit. Sam – who never liked her – said “look mate, you don’t have to do this, you know.” Half in jest. He didn’t know Sebastian had arrived. But that was it.’

There was silence in the sitting room as Harriet absorbed this. That Cal Clarke could’ve had a reason for doing what he did, a sound reason, was a huge adjustment. She had declared it impossible. She thought Jacqueline was dreadful for cherry-picking her facts, stripping it of context and making Harriet a two-dimensional brute, yet it turned out Harriet was capable of this too.

‘That is … I don’t know what to say, Cal. Unreal.’

‘One for the grandkids, as they say.’

Harriet was still trying to make sense of Kit’s machinations.

‘What was her excuse for inviting Sebastian?’

‘Oh, she’d drawn up the invites before the cheating, forgot to set it aside when she was posting them out. I don’t think as you’re merrily putting the stiffy in the envelope – no pun – you forget that it’s The Other Guy? Laughable.’

‘Why invite him at all?!’

‘I’ve been over and over this in my head. I think it boilsdown to this. Kit is a narcissist. She wanted to bait Seb, to see if he’d turn up on her big day, witness her marry his rival. She thrives on inhabiting a diva spotlight.’

‘She must’ve known you’d be incandescent?’

‘Yeah, but Kit thought, when Cal clocks him, by then, we’ll be Mr and Mrs Clarke, or very nearly. She didn’t think I’d have the nerve to walk out.’

‘She’d designed a trap. Like Jon did with my proposal,’ Harriet said.

‘Exactly! Perhaps she thought I was so in her thrall, it’d only mean a sulky couple of days on the honeymoon? Truth be told, I’ve stopped trying to work out how she thinks. Bear in mind if it wasn’t for the technology fail, I’d never have known about the infidelity. She’s … brutal.’

Harriet nodded, wincing. ‘Exceptionally so.’

‘That’s my type, I’m afraid.’

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