Page 82 of Mad About You

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‘Alright babe, sorry to shout, I’m handsfree on the road!’ Bryn said, over acoustics like he was standing on the top of Scafell Pike in a gale. Given her industry rival was always loud anyway, speakerphone Bryn was ‘football terrace during a goal’ volume.

‘Hi Brinners, how are you?’ Harriet said, holding the handset slightly away from her ear, with lead in her boots. Her mobile had been peppered with five missed calls from him already this morning.

It was the following Sunday, over ten days since Scott’s post, and there had been no inquiries – unless she counted an email direct to her site, asking for her cheapest possible price, which had clearly been copied to every other wedding snapper in the region. It was no longer possible to rationalise that Scott might or might not have damaged her living: it was fully evident he had.

Walking to lunch with Lorna at Kadas in the city centre, she thought she’d get Bryn out of the way en route, and answered on his sixth attempt. From anyone else, this level of pursuit could look frantic to the extent of browbeating, but Bryn was like a puppy Labrador Retriever – hyper, andharmless. Put your fragile china out of reach, though. The fragile china in this case being Harriet’s delicate psyche.

‘Not bad, babe, not bad. Yeah, so I wanted to warn you there’s some sort of scurrilous rumour doing the rounds about you.’

Harriet screwed her eyes closed and said: ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Ah right, I wondered if you did. About how you whacked an ex-boyfriend around? I don’t go on citizen Facebook myself but when people told me about it, I said,Howbigis the ex-boyfriend?Harriet looks about as intimidating as Minnie the Minx fromTheBeano, ahahaha. Sorry, not very politically correct. Violence is never the answer. Though some people beg the question, ahahaha.’

‘No one hit anyone, I assure you,’ Harriet said, trying to sound calm and firm as she writhed in agony. ‘Scott made it all up from start to finish because he’s a spiteful shit holding a grudge. I appreciate people will still spread it.’

‘Absolutely, babe, but you don’t need to convince me. You’re a gem and I’ve always said so. Thing is, your couple at Oulton Hall, in a couple of weeks? Felix and Margaret? They want to swap to me as a result. I said I’d only do it if you were alright with it, and they’d have to write off their deposit. You know me, I play fair. I don’t want any part of thieving your bookings during a downturn.’

Downturn.

This hurt. Harriet knew she’d lose prospective customers, but forfeiting those who’d already employed her? Who’d met her?

She tried to keep her tone light, despite the turmoil inside.‘They really want to bin me off thanks to one rant online where I wasn’t even named, by an ex-boyfriend? It’s brutal out there, isn’t it? I never knew my good name was this flimsy.’

Harriet wanted to land the point to Bryn that this could happen to anyone, though when she looked back over the baroque history between herself and Scott Dyer, that was pushing credulity.

‘Yeah, as I said to Margaret, I doubt any of us want our exes doing our character references. My first wife calls me Bryn Laden, hahaha. I don’t think they think you’d be Tasmanian-devilling about the place. Margaret said they don’t want it overshadowing anything. I said it wouldn’t, but you know when a bridezilla gets a notion …’

This was it, as she’d foretold. They’d not need to think Scott spoke gospel, only to feel enough of an odour now hung round Harriet to be deterred. Infamy was what she’d gained, and it was very much not wanted from a big-day bit player.

‘Sure, take the job, don’t worry. It’s not as if I want to do it if they don’t want me there.’ She swallowed a lump, stayed breezy. ‘Thanks for being so principled as to tell me, Bryn. I appreciate it. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to need friends in the coming months.’

Or years.

‘No biggie. Tomorrow’s chip wrap, babe. Got a call on line two, gotta hustle! Speak soon.’

She rang off with a wan smile at Bryn’s manner. When he employed one person as an admin assistant he started naming himself as CEO on his email boilerplate.

Harriet appreciated the sentiment, but she wasn’t sure ‘tomorrow’s chip wrap’ scaled up to Mark Zuckerberg’s website in the twenty-first century. The internet was written in a kind of ink that didn’t become illegible while it kept greasy haddock warm.

Harriet arrived at Kadas to find that Lorna had already ordered the mezze: it was a favourite spot and the menu was an old friend, so they didn’t have to think their way round any logistics.

Lorna pushed a plate of stuffed vine leaves towards Harriet.

‘I’ve had a splendid idea,’ Lorna said, full distraction mode employed as she outlined plans for a girls’ holiday in Cornwall.

Harriet gritted her teeth. ‘Such a lovely idea but I can’t really do that while my income’s tanking, and Roxy may be about to go self-employed.’ She cupped a hand underneath her dolmeh, to catch stray rice.

‘Pish. It’ll cost next to nothing because I’m going to cover the accommodation. Hang on, rather than explain it twice, I’m going to call Rox.’

Lorna prodded the relevant buttons on her phone and stuck it on speakerphone on the table, propped against a beer bottle. Kadas was busy enough that it wasn’t too much like sodcasting.

‘Rox, Fleaslags conference meeting. I vote we cheer Harriet up by going away for a long weekend. I know neither of you are flush at the moment, but I have leftover comp money which I’d been saving for the right moment. I’d like to spend it on hiring a cottage for a long weekend. What say you? Do you even own any wellies? Or maybe a villa, somewhere hot.Fuck it, if all we can manage is marauding round Legoland Windsor with gin tinnies, frightening kids, it’ll be a laugh.’

‘Aw, I would, but me and New Man were thinking we’d go away. I kinda want to keep my diary clear.’

The Tinder date had been a blast, she’d reported, and Harriet was glad she’d not insisted Roxy miss it to witness her miseries over Scott. Committed online dating was like the lottery, she supposed: you always thought the time you didn’t bother was when your numbers would come up.

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