Page 83 of Mad About You

‘Lol, what? You won’t do anything with us on the off-chance he proposes something? Book us in and book him in around us. Or vice versa, if you wish to dwell in a Gilead of your own creation.’

‘It’s more complicated than that, it depends on when he can get the time off work.’

‘Doesn’t High Finance Joseph the Broseph call his own shots on annual leave?’ Lorna added an eye roll.‘Also. We need you. Harriet here, needs you.’

‘That’s rather emotional blackmail-y. Thanks but it’s a no thanks for the time being,’ Roxy said, tartly.

Lorna frowned at Harriet. Harriet frowned back. This was new.

There’d been a few minor rejections by Roxy recently, an apparent indifference to the meaning of certain moments. Harriet had been determined to read nothing into them. Life always got in the way, friends shouldn’t act like they were trying to catch friends out etc etc. Yet this was a pretty stark announcement of priorities, and in the face of Lorna offering to treat them both, it felt ungrateful too.

‘Also,’ Roxy continued blithely, into their unspoken dismay, ‘I’m not being funny, but Harriet did bring all of this down on her own head. She wrote a letter to her ex’s fiancée saying he was an arsehole. I mean, who does that?! Of course he’s defended himself? It’s not rocket science. I can see why he’s narked, to be quite honest with you.’

Lorna glanced at Harriet, her stunned expression surely matching Harriet’s own. It was obvious Roxy hadn’t caught the fact that Harriet was present, and it was too late to say so without making everything more excruciating for all concerned.

‘You can’t seriously be defending Scott Dyer? What next, the case for wasps in your lager?’

‘He’s always been awful; I agree he’s horrible. But Harriet has a way of making herself the victim even when she’s at fault.’

Harriet set her falafel down, having abruptly and completely lost her appetite.

‘She’s not at fault. Scott’s an abuser,’ Lorna said, awkwardly, lacking any way to tell Roxy to tone it down.

‘Yes, but she knew that before she decided to wind him up. For no reason whatsoever.’

Harriet’s mouth went dry and her heart beat loudly in her chest. This was so wholly devastating that she couldn’t separate what was cruel, and what was unwelcome home truth.

‘She was trying to help his fiancée,’ Lorna said faintly.

There was a disbelieving snort from down the receiver.

‘Oh come on, Lore. She wanted that girl to leave Scott, to get him back. Now it’s blown up in her face it’spoor Harriet.I’m not saying it’s not grim for her but do the crime, do the time.’

Lorna made noises of objection and after garbling an ‘I’ll get back to you,’ rang off, hastily.

‘Fuck. That was my fault. She’s an idiot and I’m going to give her seven bells of hell next I see her, but the fact I put you both through that, that was my fault.’

‘She’s right though, isn’t she?’ Harriet said, trying to keep her lip from trembling. ‘I brought this on myself.’

‘No, she isn’t, she’s being selfish and careless and …hard, and I’m really disappointed in her,’ Lorna said, looking almost as if she might cry herself. ‘The number of times you’ve helped scrape her off the floor when some shithouse boyfriend mistreated her, and then this? Because she thinks she’s on to a good thing with this bloke, this Joseph? The trouble is, Roxy genuinely wouldn’t understand why you’d do something out of nobility, to help someone else. It’s not a feature in her landscape. I always thought her lack of scruple was funny but maybe age thirty-four is when you stop finding it funny, and start finding it … Well. Start finding it.’ She paused. ‘Estate agents.’

Harriet could barely raise a smile and Lorna looked glumly at her bowl of paprika-dusted hummus. Harriet wasn’t ready to psychoanalyse Roxy, or minimise with humour.

She has a way of making herself the victim.

It was a bucket of cold water when Harriet could’ve really used a dose of unshakeable conviction in herself, the sort she had when she and Lorna had walked around the park that other, optimistic, Sunday morning. However, the moment hadgone, and she didn’t know if shehadwanted to ruin Scott’s life and concealed the motive, even from herself.

It was too soon to assess the damage, but could she ever feel the same way about Roxy again, knowing she thought Scott Dyer had a point? Even if Roxanne was some degree of right, if your friend could see you attacked like that and shrug and sarcastically pronouncepoor Harriet, were they your friend? God, the irony. Harriet spent so many years wishing her friends could see Scott’s point of view. What a shattering time for Roxy to oblige.

She and Lorna mutually pretended to think and speak of other topics, but lunch had been ruined, her stomach in a tight knot. It was unheard of for Lorna to be at a loss for things to say.

As they parted, Lorna said: ‘I will inevitably be having it out with our Roxanne over this. Should I tell her that you heard her opinions? I will make it clear that responsibility for that disaster is on me.’

‘Oh, no,’ Harriet said. ‘What will it achieve? She’ll be crucified and it’s not as if she can take it back. She thinks what she thinks.’

‘My intuition tells me there’s more to this,’ Lorna said, ‘It didn’t even sound like her speaking. Why did she sound like that?’

For once, Harriet thought Lorna’s intuition was purely wishful.

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