Page 122 of Between Us

‘You’re OK,’ he shushed her. ‘She’s going to be alright. You’re going to be alright.’

‘I know, I know. It’s just …’

When Roisin had shed enough tears to have the power of speech back, she said, ‘My mum lied to get me to spendthis summer working at the pub. She didn’t feel she could tell me she wanted me there, in case that was all the time she had left. Absolutely insane.’

‘Why didn’t she go to the doctor? It’s a bit of a leap to say, “I’ve got stomach pains, oh maybe it’s terminal?”’

‘I know. I think she has to bethisLorraine. Glamorous, confident, youthful Lorraine, who runs the show. The thought of even being prescribed treatment that might make her anything other than that was utterly petrifying to her. Scarier than dying when she didn’t have to …?’

She looked at Matt in bewilderment. ‘She thinks those are the conditions for being loved, I guess. Partly because my dad was a shallow bastard in that regard. My brother’s long since fled the scene. He takes after my dad like that. And she wouldn’t tell her own daughter, “I’m scared, I need your support.”’

Roisin looked at Matt in the grey early light. ‘I’m not going to make the same mistake. I called you because you’re the one person in the world I wanted to see.’ Roisin smiled. ‘I’m not going to pretend to be more resilient than I am. I need you.’

Matt smiled back. ‘Well, this morning there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here. I’m glad you called me. I was actually over the moon you called me, and how often can you say that about three a.m. voicemails?’

‘I’ve been far too hard on you, McKenzie, and you’ve dealt with it with your typical generosity. Do you want to give that “being a nauseating couple” thing another try?’ Roisin said. ‘I decided I was going to ask you this over whatthey calldressy drinkson a nice evening out. Instead, here we are, outside Macclesfield Hospital, me having forced you to do a mercy dash. Near a pigeon with a manky foot, pecking at a Ginster’s pasty.’

She pointed behind them, and Matt brushed her tears away. ‘More than ever, oddly enough.’

They stared into one another’s eyes and silently, mutually acknowledged the point they’d arrived at. This was the understanding you always hoped you’d find.

Roisin rubbed her brow. ‘God’s sake, I’ve been here half the night. I must look like a haunted turnip.’

‘Love isn’t dependent on looking glamorous, remember.’

‘Oh yes, haha. Just as well.’

Roisin hesitated as Matt got his phone out to check for taxis. She was raw, like she was in emotional High Definition. She felt certain there was a moment here that should be used before normality, with all its virtues and vices, crept back in.

‘Whatever happens between us, Matt …’

He looked up at her.

‘I promise you, we can always tell each other the truth, with no fear of shame. Secrets end up poisoning the person keeping them, I think.’

‘What if my final poisonous secret is that I once wrote a poem about the first time I saw you. You were walking down Deansgate in the driving rain, fearlessly head high, with no coat on. You later told me you’d had a row with your mum and stormed out like that. The poem was so bad that the last time I unearthed it, I both wept with laughter and wantedto physically die. I rhyme Roisin with GLEAM. But I STILL couldn’t destroy it, because it reminded me of you.’

‘Oh my God! Even that! Can I read it?’

‘Fuck no.’

75

‘Welcome back!’ Roisin said, leaning against her desk, watching 10E, who were now 11E, file into the room.

It was either God’s sick sense of humour, or Wendy Copeland’s front-footed HR strategy, that had given her this class as her first lesson of the autumn term.

Some of them scrutinised her in a pointed way, and Roisin returned the curious looks with a beaming smile.

‘Nice holiday, Caitlin?’ she said to Caitlin Merry, who wrinkled her nose.

‘Alright, I guess. Too soon to be back in this hole, lol.’

‘True,’ Roisin said, laughing.

‘Feeling better, Miss?’ sing-songed Logan Hughes, with clear reference to last term and a signal to others.

‘Really good, Logan. Thanks for asking.’

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