Page 23 of Between Us

‘She has been retraumatised by Matt being a heroic bellend,’ Meredith concluded.

‘It’s just …’ Gina lowered her hand. ‘I know he was being nice. But how am I supposed to not want tofucking dieevery time I see him? I keep replaying it in my head!’

Roisin could see that the thing that made this impromptu full frontal not merely embarrassing, but actively quite horrifying, was the ‘being in love with Matt’ part. No one was saying as much, yet this context was the intangible, oppressive force in the room. More so than The Crying Lady.

No one wants to flash the person they have the bad hots for, Roisin thought.

No one for whom it’s not a kink, anyway.

14

Roisin sat down on the other side of the bed. ‘I know it doesn’t feel enough of a comfort right now but you’re going to forget about this much faster than you think, and he will too. The room is half dark and it was a moment.’

‘It was quite a few moments, where I was jumping around, and he was like …’ She mimicked someone staring in boggling, immobile shock. ‘Then he turned around, and I was pushing him away in panic and we … I … sort of slapped against him …’ She put her palms to her forehead. ‘Aaaaargggh. Make it not have happened, Roisin. Every day from now on, this has happened.’

Meredith carried on rubbing her back. Roisin didn’t usually refer in any explicit way to Matt’s frenetic love life, but needs must.

‘Gina, consider this,’ she said in an assertive voice. ‘Matt is a man of the world. Seeing women naked is his principal hobby. He’s seen so many that I promise you he still couldn’t pick you out of a line-up after this.’

Gina quietened slightly. ‘You think?’

‘Yes! Memory is dimming as we speak! Memory-generatingbrain cells start dying off age thirteen. Some of my pupils are proof.’

Roisin inclined her head at Meredith, to convey ‘help me out’.

‘This is very true of men slags. Many women, endless women. Just a blur of boobs,’ Meredith said. ‘In a long career. Like David Attenborough viewing wildlife. It’d be like asking David Attenborough to recall a specific giant tortoise. Among the …Great Tortoi. Wait, what’s the plural of tortoise?’

‘Tortoises,’ Roisin said.

‘Oh. Makes sense.’

‘He’s David, and I’m one of tons of Galapagos turtles?’ Gina said.

‘Yes!’ they chorused, emphatically.

‘’Cos he met so few of them, they had names! All of them died! I saw a documentary with one called “Lonesome George”!’

‘Maybe he was just unpopular,’ Roisin offered.

Meredith put a hand over her mouth. ‘Something more common then. Penguins?’ Meredith said.

‘Pretty sure David would remember a penguin if it had shaken its double-D tits at him while screaming GEEET OUUUTTTT,’ Gina said, palms at her side, doing a little belly dancer mime.

Roisin fought to suppress laughter. Meredith was trembling with the effort of not doing the same.

‘Also, if I’d known this was going to happen, I’d have had a wax,’ Gina said. ‘I’ve been rewilding to get that SeventiesHustlerlook this summer, I read inEllethat the bush is coming back. It’s all … patchy.’ Her voice wavered again. ‘Like, Iwouldn’t want either of you two to see this. Let alone …’ Her face contorted.

‘Rewilding?’ Roisin said, having to gasp the word out between her fingers.

Gina nodded sombrely. ‘As my beauty therapist says, years of Brazilians aren’t reversed overnight.’

‘No need with my rainforest,’ Meredith said. ‘Nature is flourishing. Lots of natural grazing habitat.’ She didn’t quite make it steadily to the end of the sentence.

Roisin, at last, permitted herself to laugh. ‘Perfect for large herbivores … ahahaha …’

‘No way to describe my ex, but yes.’

‘So you’re saying you’ve created a magical haven,’ Roisin said.

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