Page 40 of Between Us

‘You’d think she wouldn’t, though, eh,’ Joe said, raising an eyebrow.

‘Meaning what?’

‘It’s quite delicate. For her.’

This was so much hypocrisy, Roisin felt she might choke. ‘Wow,nowyou’re aware of how intensely taboo it might be? Better late than never, huh. Oh wait, no, late has exactly the same value as never, here.’

‘You know what I mean! She’s not going to go there.’

‘Yes, I do know what you mean, having never suffered from your curiously useful brain fog about this. I know it would be completely agonising for my mum to ask me if I discovered things about her open marriage by accident, twenty years ago. That I’d obviously told my partner, and he put it on television, and she recognised herself.’

Joe shook his head. ‘I wish I’d thought this through, I really do. I’d not have gone near it.’

Fuck you,Roisin thought.You are a liar. The only regret here is discovering how strongly I’ll defend myself.

‘Given I know the last thirty seconds came from my life, can I ask if the taxi bit at the start was something that happened, too?’

‘What?’

‘Leaving your scarf at a restaurant and walking back when we got a cab. Getting in late. That was two summers ago, right? The Italian place, Sesso? In fact, it’d be exactly two years – I think it was Gina’s birthday.’

‘What’s the question here? Did I sneak back that night and bone a waitress?’ Joe said.

‘Yes, that’s the question.’

‘Amazing. Do I get to be offended you would even ask that, or is that not how this works?’

‘Did you not think by using an actual scenario I recognised that I might be a bit disorientated or worried by that?’

In the context of their monogamy, using their real life as a set felt so tacky. It spoke of a great hinterland of laddish wish fulfilment. Did he really not realise she’d be affected by it? It was like Joe had had a radical surgical resection of his empathy when he signed his first contract.

‘No, because I thought you understood we were firmly in the realm of fiction. If it needs spelling out, then yes, that’s made up, Rosh,’ Joe said. He was drawing himself up to full height, trying on some indignance for size. ‘I’m not a chronically unfaithful danger shagger like my anti-hero. Nor in the past have I ever headed up an elite squad of police with extraordinary powers of visual recognition.’

‘I think it was reasonable to ask,’ Roisin said. ‘The girlfriend’s hot friend sub plot was somewhat gross, too. How is Gina meant to feel about that?’

‘Gina’s not meant to feel anything because that wasn’t Gina. Or me. Or any of us. Wow. Starting to wish I’d got agig writingEmmerdale. You could demand to know who the sheep were based on.’

‘Nice. Loving being your straight woman in the teeth of my humiliation.’

‘These questions are ridiculous, so they’ll only get ridiculous answers. It’s pretty shit for me to have my work pulled apart by my girlfriend like this. Do you not think it hurts, that you didn’t like it?’

This was so self-absorbed, Roisin could only gasp.

‘You know what you really don’t like,’ Joe continued. ‘You don’t like losing the spotlight.’

‘What?!’

‘For a long time, you had the upper hand; we both know that. I was always punching. Fit, funny, confident Roisin, great at her job, centre of attention … How did that skint, sarky wannabe writer guy in the corner pull her? NowI’mthe one getting the fuss. The balance of power has shifted, and you don’t like it, so you’re projecting other reasons.’

Some accusations, from someone you knew well, were like being shivved under the ribs, an attack by an expert assassin who knew exactly how to puncture a vital organ in one economical move. You felt it because you knew it was true. Others were out of the blue, from nowhere: like a frisbee arcing through the air, straight at you.

This was a frisbee.

‘That is completely mad and also insulting. I’m really proud of what you’ve achieved.’

‘That’s why you’ve been off with me since we got here? You say you’re upset byHunter,but you’ve barely metmy eye since you arrived. It’s as if you were looking for a reason.’

‘It’s not jealousy, Joe. It’s because our relationship has evaporated. It’s like you’ve packed your bags and moved out. You don’t even seem to notice me, most of the time.’

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