Page 97 of Between Us

She realised she didn’t trust a word he said, and that trust couldn’t be restored.

She said aloud, ‘Fuck him.’

Roisin couldn’t fix Joe Powell or figure him out, but she was done living inside his world.

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Hair the colour of liquid blackberry required upkeep and expense, and after an aimless, doubt-wracked week, Roisin had to tackle her inch of cocoa-coloured roots.

She made her way to a city salon to sit in foils, avoiding her usual one so she didn’t have to provide an account of herself to her stylist, Marco, who watchedSEEN. In short, she didn’t want to be seen. Roisin was now avoiding looking in the mirror at her stupid face for two hours. Every time she let her mind wander, she was back in The Mallory, being passionately seized and snogged over a table in the half dark, accompanied by the sound of Spandau Ballet. Before she made a double-dipped McNugget of herself.

Ugh, ugh.

She was still working at the pub, now as much in avoidance of her empty pad in Didsbury as to help her mother. Champagne problems, but Roisin was sure that stripped of Joe’s possessions, the premises would be radiating silent resentment from every room.What now?Thank God they never got that dog.

Roisin had booked her hair appointment for last thingFriday so she could meet Meredith and Gina for drinks after. They met at the Gina-nominated Ivy, and within three sips of a something-Tini and five minutes of their company, Roisin felt as if she’d had weeks of therapy.

Once again, she’d come mentally prepared as what to reveal and what to conceal about recent events. It was a dance of the veils.

She updated them on Joe and Matt’s stand-off outside the pub, and Joe’s lurid allegations about her and Matt, based on his visit to Sesso. She felt intense discomfort at their dumbstruck shock that he could say such a thing, given Joe had some right on his side.

‘I appreciate he’s devastated to lose you, but Joseph sounds like he’s lost his mind, too,’ Meredith said, stabbing at the ice in her drink with her straw.

Roisin squirmed. She had their support under false pretences. This wouldn’t do, this partial disclosure.

Roisin thought about how, despite the Gwen-Gina character and Joe’s soft spot, she’d never thought for a second that Gina had fooled around with Joe. That wasn’t a tribute to Joe, but to Gina. It was unconscionable that she, Meredith or Gina would ever double-cross each other or break these bonds.

Given that what had occurred between her and Matt was unlikely to ever be repeated or ever matter, the expedient thing was obviously to not tell Gina.

But looking at them both, Roisin knew she had to, or it would forever hang over them. These women mattered to her more than anyone, and she couldn’t dupe them by withholdingthis sorry episode. She couldn’t stand for their friendship to feel tainted. If she had to withstand a tirade from Gina, so be it.

‘Gina,’ Roisin said, with a distinct sense of bungee-jumping and hoping the rope between them held out. ‘I did something stupid and awful and I can’t keep it to myself. I kissed Matt. It was over very quickly but I absolutely despise myself. Joe was completely out of order in the extent of his suspicions, though.’

‘Woah,’ said Meredith. ‘Didn’t see that coming.’

‘Oh my God!’ Gina cried.

Roisin’s tense expression fully collapsed.

‘No.Oh my God,’ Gina repeated, putting one hand on Roisin and laying the other over her chest. ‘As in, I didn’t see that coming either, but also,oh my God?’ she said with the rising intonation of a question, holding up an index finger. ‘I think … I’m OK with it? I’d wondered if finally admitting I had to drop him would cure me, and it has. It’s like I said it aloud and broke the spell. Like inLabyrinth. “You have no power over me.” The Goblin King, remember?’

‘The Goblin … OK no, go back,’ Meredith said.

‘Really?!’ Roisin said, in complete mystification.

‘Yes. Did you discuss his feelings for you, at last?’ Gina added.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. Roisin’s mouth opened. They stared at each other as Gina drained her Spinningfields Sangria.

‘I could go for another of these,’ she murmured absently.

Gina was supposed to be blindsided, and yet she was by far the most composed.

‘His … what?’ Roisin said.

Roisin looked at Meredith, who made ano idea what she’s talking aboutdisclaimer face.

‘Seriously. Just me?! I thought I was the one out of the three of us whowasn’tsuper perceptive!’

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