Page 99 of Between Us

Gina put her head on one side. ‘I know you’d never sell me out, but more than that, Iamweirdly alright with it. More than I ever thought I could be. I have to thank you, in fact. Without this information, I wouldn’t have known for sure.’

‘But, how?!’ Roisin said, scarcely believing.

‘The Aaron Effect!’ Meredith said, making a praying gesture.

‘Yeah that. And also, after Matt went off that night with Amelia, something snapped in me. Or maybe died in me. I stopped my hankering, almost overnight. I didn’t expect the effect to be so instant. I think by the end, I was sick and tired of myself more than I was actually in love, you know?’

Meredith and Roisin didn’t, exactly, but they nodded.

‘You know something, too? Aaron really wanted to go on a date.Reallywanted to; he was so shy his hand was trembling when we said cheers after I got to the pub. I realised that I want that. I want to be wanted. Matt can’t give me that.’

Roisin and Meredith both nodded again.

‘I said I couldn’t bear to try to be friends with whoever Matt found, but if she’s my friend already, that problem is solved?’ Gina concluded.

Roisin was taken aback at this and blurted, ‘Honestly it was nothing, it lasted seconds before I screamedwhat are we doing. He’s off to a sort of date tomorrow night at some bar launch. Normal McKenzie business has resumed.’

Their round arrived and they paused while their empty glasses were whisked away and replaced with full ones.

‘Mmmm,’ Gina said, giving Roisin a penetrating look. ‘If you aren’t going to pursue it, please don’t make it on my account. I don’t want to do any more damage to Matt. He deserves to be happy.’

‘Does this mean he’s allowed back to the Brians?’ Meredith said.

‘Sure,’ Gina said.

‘I think you have to be the one to tell him that,’ Meredith said, and Gina nodded. ‘Now. That’s sorted. Can wepleasetry to pass the Bechdel test here,’ Meredith said.

‘What’s that?’ Gina said.

‘It’s whether a film is sexist: do women, when together, ever discuss a subject that isn’t a man.’

‘We’d pass it easily if you dated someone for us to gossip about,’ Gina said, and Meredith gasped while Roisin cackled.

The conversation moved on, and Roisin was left pretending to listen while she was consumed by what Gina had said.

Matt had feelings for her? Longstanding ones? Big, serious ones? She resisted something so seductive and extraordinary being true. It also forced her to ask herself what her interests were here.

She’d revealed what she had with the aim of beingcompletely honest with her friends, but she feared what it had shown her was that she hadn’t been completely honest, at all. With them, with Matt, or with herself.

61

Roisin was experiencing every symptom, while stubbornly denying she had the sickness. His name appearing on her phone was as if someone had stabbed her chest with a syringe of adrenaline.

The following day after her night out with Gina and Meredith, she unlocked the message from Matt McKenzie so fast her fingers were a blur. Roisin had been in agonies at the meaning for his silence and then had to allow she’d not been in contact with him, either. It was hard to know what to say. She’d been hoping Meatball would visit the pub and give her an excuse to send a photo, but rumour had it he was romancing the staff at the village chippy.

Sorry for leaving you with Joe last weekend. I thought my being there was only going to make him worse. How did it go? x

She typed back:

He didn’t improve but hopefully that’s the end of it. How are you? Is it the Ancoats bar launch tonight? x

Well remembered! Yes it is, ‘festa’. (No capital letters here obvs.) I’ll report back as to whether the Marmalade Negronis are any good. Give my love to your mum, Terence, and especially Meatball. I left a packet of those chews he likes in my room, if you’d not mind dispensing them. X

Hmmm, large kiss. Emphatically positive, but also a full stop. Also, are they possibly easier to send to people you don’t fancy?

Analysing text kiss sizes was another symptom.

Oh God, she missed him. The Mallory was drab without the sound of Matt’s laughter and, to be candid, the way his arms looked when he was hefting heavy crates.

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