Page 11 of You Belong With Me

‘It’s OK, you didn’t miss anything. The plan is doing more exercise,’ Nick said. His comedic grousing was an established habit, and everyone knew he was glad to be there, however well he hid it.

‘Hi, Elliot, I didn’t know you were coming!’ Meg said.

‘He explained why he was keen on coming in general, but you missed it – let’s leave it that way,’ Nick said to Meg.

‘Grateful for your restraint,’ Elliot said to Nick.

Another thing Edie appreciated about Elliot: he hadn’t saidcan’t we be alone?He was totally up for dossing around at Hannah’s lovely flat in The Park after this, as he had been for Pictionary on Christmas Day.

Elliot told her it could work, but she realised he’d also thrown himself into showing her it could.

‘I said the reward was Chinese food and old-fashioneds at mine, Nick,’ Hannah said. ‘You accepted the terms gladly at the time.’

‘October Me hates December Me, I can tell you that much,’ Nick said.

‘Excuse me. I’m sorry to intrude but I’m a big fan,’ said a well-spoken man with an intense gaze in a Carhartt insulated jacket. He looked about forty. ‘We never missed an episode ofBlood & Gold, but it wasn’t the same after you left.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ Elliot said smoothly, never startled, while the rest of them were visibly startled.

A stealth attack. It was Boxing Day! Fame didn’t get public holidays – or rather, holidays from the public.

‘Would it be OK to get a picture with my wife?’

They followed his pointing and saw that Carhartt man was an emissary from a group of seven wildly goggling people.

‘Sure. Given there’s more of you, shall I come to you?’ Elliot said.

He walked over and shook gloved hands, submitted with charm to the rota of pleasantries and selfies.

‘I would never ask that – way too shameful. Even if it was David Attenborough or something,’ Meg said, watching in bemused horror.

Edie thought this was true. Her sister had entirely her own rules of etiquette, and bothering notable personages was far too status-conscious lamestream.

‘That was mad. I didn’t even notice them noticing you!’ Hannah hissed, once Elliot had been released from his duties and they’d stomped a short way into the park.

‘Standing still for any period of time increases the risk,’ Elliot said.

‘Like thrombosis,’ Nick offered.

‘In the States, they’re prepared to shout “is it you?” but British people are scared of misidentification, so they like time to confer,’ Elliot said. ‘Like they’re a quiz team.’

Edie took Elliot’s hand. She was aware, and wondered if he was, that she was instinctively doing it only once they were beyond any current onlooker sightlines.

It had a funny redolence of not wanting your peers at school to know, in case you got stared at and teased. She needed to feel ready, that was all. Edie wasn’t quite ready.

‘Shift go OK, Meg?’ Hannah asked.

‘Yes, it was quiet, and we had mince pies. After I helped John with the shower commode, I explained about the faecal plume.’

‘The faecal what?’ Edie said.

‘You don’t know about the faecal plume either?!’ Meg said ‘The dispersal of particles of waste matter when you flush the toilet! It’s why you should always keep the lid down!’

‘The faecal plume is one of the villains in my movie,’ Elliot said, and everyone laughed, Edie partly in relief.

She was lucky Elliot found Meg an offbeat pleasure.

Enjoy your soul-nourishing winter ramble; my sister’s understanding of etiquette rules out asking for selfies and rules in discussing the arse aerosol.

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