Page 17 of You Belong With Me

Deborah nodded. Edie saw now why she was keen to keep this exchange from Elliot. Heck of a pep talk. Twenty minutes ago, they were doing coffees and Ferrero Rocher.

‘… It’s a very deep bond, as I say. I fear it could equally cause mistrust and push you apart, if you don’t recognise it’s there – especially with all the silly hoopla that surrounds my son.’

‘You mean we’d worry about … fidelity?’ Edie said, too interested in what Deborah had to say to be embarrassed.

Edie realised at that moment, like being caught in a second’ssun beam, a God ray on a chilly day, how she missed this kind of loving, knowledgeable maternal concern. There was no substitute.

‘About fidelity, about careers, money. Anything, really,’ his mum said. ‘Don’t let it, whatever it is, trigger the ongoing fear that, somehow, someone you love that much will leave.’

Edie couldn’t form a reply for a moment as she absorbed the weight of this.

Deborah glanced over. ‘Oh goodness, sorry! This has been such a lovely evening, and look at how I’ve ruined it! Bob always says I never really retired.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I was a psychotherapist. I trained when the boys were little. It was to help Elliot, really. We didn’t have the same understanding then about the body “keeping score” and so on, but I knew he’d not been unaffected by his start in life. The attitude was that the first few years are “pre-memory”, but of course now we know that nothing is.’

Edie said: ‘Thank you for talking to me about this.Reallythank you, not polite thank you.’

‘Oh gosh, I’m so relieved you’re not offended. The stakes couldn’t be higher for him where you’re concerned, and … well … He’s an extraordinary person but vulnerable in ways only his close family understand. For years after he came to us, he was having nightmares so bad, the GP would’ve had us drugging him. I said absolutely not, of course.’

‘He was?’ Edie said, freshly appalled.

‘Oh yes. Some part of his psyche remembers his parents, remembers being put in danger. This is deathly private stuff,and I’d not say this to any girlfriend, Edie – I never have. But I trust you, and I trust his taste.’

She squeezed Edie’s arm, both in approval and to alert her to the fact that Elliot and his dad had stopped ahead of them and would soon be in hearing range.

Edie turned and hugged her. ‘Thank you, Deborah. I promise I won’t repeat it, and I’m so glad he has you.’

‘What was all that conspiring with my mum about?’ Elliot said later in a half-whisper in bed.

His parents were leaving at first light to visit Bob’s sister in Cornwall, and she and Elliot had discreetly established between themselves that, given they’d be alone tomorrow, tonight could be respectfully chaste and involve pyjamas.

Therefore, they were holding hands and talking like teens at a sleepover.

‘She was thanking me for the charitable outreach of dating her undateable son.’

‘Funnily enough, I suspect shewassaying something like that. She’s been terrified my career prevents me having an in quotes “normal relationship” with a nice person for ages. Now you’re here, I’m sure she’s taking no chances.’

Edie adjusted her thinking, pondered that she’d short-changed what she knew of Elliot’s parents by wondering if they wanted him to bring home a glamorous Somebody. They wanted him to be happy. If it looked like she could achieve that, she was somebody. The values in this house resided in the right place.

‘Edie,’ Elliot said, sotto voce. ‘Earlier you said “your kids”to me. Sorry if I’m being paranoid, but I feel like assuming you’re thinking the way I am has got me into trouble in the past …’

Edie held her breath. Uh oh. That Big Conversation. She’d probably had enough of those today.

‘Did you phrase it that way ’cos, option one, we’ve not talked about that yet and you didn’t want to presume I’d have them with you? Or, option two, because you see our thing as a very intense rekindling that will quite possibly burn out, and if so, we’ll go have kids with other people? Or, option three, you’re letting me know you don’t want them?’

‘Emphatically, option one,’ Edie said. ‘Which are you?’

‘Also one – that’s a relief.’ Elliot paused. ‘I’ve not brought it up because whatever you want or don’t want is fine by me.’

‘That’s how I feel.’

‘OK. Thank God this was easy – I needed some easy,’ he said.

‘We’re being forced against our will to face up to our huge compatibility,’ Edie whispered.

She felt Elliot relax. She should try reassurance more often and was perhaps guilty of thinking he didn’t need it.

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