Page 27 of You Belong With Me

Edie clicked to a blue ticked account and thought with surprise that it must be real. The profile picture was a black and white one from theGuardianthat she could imagine Elliot signing off, and it had already collected hundreds of followers, the count whirling upwards every time she refreshed the page. She accepted him, followed back, and WhatsApped Elliot.

Edie

Are my eyes deceiving me, or are you, the ultimate refusenik of social media, on Insta?

Elliot

Ugh, I know. Been persuaded it’s a useful platform/counterweight to the made-up things. Bonus: I get to stalk you.

Edie

Maybe now I’ll stop getting @elliotowenswife in my suggested accounts.

Elliot

Please don’t follow my wife. It really wouldn’t be comfortable for any of us.

A bashful-looking Declan was back in front of her in no time, a youthful blonde nurse in blue scrubs accompanying him.

‘Hi, is it Edie?’ she said. She had the 1990s Meg Ryan hairdo where you tucked it behind your ears and it immediately sprang free again. ‘I’ve come to speak to you myself because I don’t trust this one.’

‘Oh?’ Edie said, pushing her phone into her bag and standing up.

‘No broken bones, some bruising. But he can’t be on his own for twenty-four hours after a concussion.’

‘Sure I’ll be fine …’ Declan said, clearly one of many similar exhortations he had made.

The nurse held a silencing hand up. ‘Would you be willing to stay with him? Or vice versa. He needs rest, no caffeineor alcohol, and someone able to call us if his symptoms get worse.’

‘Of course!’ Edie said reflexively, amid Declan’s continuing protestations. ‘It’s no trouble. I’m not leaving for my trip to Derbyshire until early afternoon tomorrow. You can crash at mine? I have nothing planned and a spare room.’

Not only did she have one, but it was well furnished, nicely decorated and devoid of lingerie on clothes horses, sensitive teenage diaries, or dildos. Edie had promised herself she’d always run a respectable room for her dad.

‘As the lady says!’ said the nurse, who seemed to have taken a shine to Declan, an arm around him as she propelled him towards the prescription bay.

As they walked out into the car park to their taxi, Edie thought, Declan was very welcome, but all in all it was bloody lucky they’d hit it off.

14

Edie messaged Meg to warn her she was bringing an unexpected visitor home. However, Meg was a fair-weather mobile phone user and sporadic bill payer, and it didn’t show as read. Inevitably, when she and Declan got through the door, Meg was dancing to Rage Against the Machinein the kitchen, wearing t-shirt, knickers, and socks, smacking a spatula as a drumstick on the counter.

Meg screamed and grabbed a tea towel bearing the wordsVISIT SKEGNESS: IT’S SO BRACINGto improvise a pelmet skirt.

‘Who are you?!’ she screeched at Declan, over the din of ‘Killing in the Name’. The only machine that Edie had known Meg to rage against recently was their microwave when it went Oppenheimer on her lentil gumbo.

Edie located the speaker to turn off the music while Declan retreated back down the hallway, making fulsome apologies.

‘Meg, this is my colleague, Declan. Declan, this is my sister. Meg, I did WhatsApp you.’

Edie pledged a large Chinese takeaway with plentiful vegan options to ameliorate the situation, parking Declan with aherbal tea in the front room and leaving Meg to go upstairs and find trousers.

Bonhomie returned faster than she expected, which Edie attributed in part to her soothing front room, complete with vast cage for her birds, Meryl and Beryl. She’d gone hard on cosy: pillar candles in storm lanterns and a faux fur rug that Meg objected to as it ‘encourages a lust for fur’.

Edie once sweetly asked if fake meat gives you a lust for meat, and Meg said she only had Quorn pieces, which were not meat mimicry, and Edie liked getting on better with Meg too well to mention the Quorn ham slices.

‘They’re beautiful,’ Declan said, indicating the vivid plumage of the grey and yellow budgies.

‘They belonged to my dad’s characterful and glamorous late neighbour Margot,’ Edie said.

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