Page 31 of You Belong With Me

‘Oh my God!’ Nick said. ‘He DOES! Are we sure he isn’t a pyjama-shunning braggart?Oh, you caught me, with my tremendous hosepipe accidentally on show, what a devastating misfortune.’

‘That means either he does, or he doesn’t!’

‘It means he does,’ Nick said. ‘Everyone knows neither confirm nor deny means yes. Hannah, back me up.’

Hannah waited until she’d completed a right-hand turn and said: ‘It’s a coded yes usually, but I’m sure Edie only meant it as a no comment.’

‘Why not simply sayyes, the man’s packing serious Nelly-the-elephant trunk,if he is? It’s hardly shameful,’ Nick said.

‘Because he didn’t choose to put it on display for discussion, no matter its impressive nature! Or … not,’ Edie finished, awkwardly.

‘Aha, you fell right into my trap. Confirmed colossal.’

Nick mimed holding something proudly with two hands, as if posing for a prize-winning marrow photo, and Edie gave in and collapsed into mirth.

‘Nick, if you want Declan’s number, just ask for it,’ Hannah said.

After they arrived at the Airbnb in Hannah’s Volvo e-car,Nick said: ‘Cottagecore, I love it!’ taking in the view of the valley.

‘It’s an actual cottage,’ Edie said, heaving her luggage case over shingle with some difficulty. ‘What do you do to earn the core?’

‘It’s an aesthetic.Weare the aesthetic. We must bake bread and raise backyard chickens.’ Nick threw his arms wide at the hillside,TheSound of Musicstyle. It was nice to see him happier.

His controlling ex-wife Alice had made contact with his young son, Max, fraught. Nick seeing the delightful if direct and unconventional Ros was a healthy step forward.

‘You can raise them from the bags on the doorstep, anyway,’ Hannah said, checking the time on her phone. ‘Ocado’s due in an hour.’

They passed a very pleasant wintery day, allocating the bedrooms, walking two miles to explore the nearest village and cooking coq au vin.

After dinner, Hannah was diving through the fridge. They’d broadly agreed the online order and left Nick to hammer out the details and press send. Belatedly, Edie was remembering that when it came to food, Hannah and Nick represented the high and the low, respectively.

‘Nick, where is the cheeseboard cheese?’

‘There!’

‘This?’ Hannah said in disgust. ‘It’s a massive lump of Cathedral City Extra Mature. The posh stuff?’

‘There,’ Nick said. ‘Fruity one.’

‘Oh my God, is this Wensleydale with apricots?! Literally everyone in civilised society knows cheeseboard cheese meansnice piece of stichelton. Or, if we’re slumming it, camembert in a wooden box.’

‘Don’t worry, my dear, there’s a sausage of smoked rubbery deliciousness and a wheel of Dairylea triangles.’ Nick made a chef’s kiss gesture.

Hannah stopped rifling. ‘Oh my Christ, I’m raging. What are we scooping it up with? Let me guess … Quavers?!’

‘Oh, I suppose you’d want radicchio leaves and those incinerated looking things made of fire grate ash. I got Ritz crackers and red grapes.’

‘Edith, Nick’s waged class warfare on our cheeseboard,’ Hannah said. ‘He’s gone fucking Arthur Seaton on my aged gouda.’

‘I do not pretend to understand the negroni quaffing elite,’ Nick said. ‘You tofu wokerati. Cheese is cheese.’

They unpacked Nick’s provocative offerings onto chopping boards, refilled glasses.

‘When are you seeing the prince?’ Hannah asked Edie, once seated back at the cottage’s table.

‘Not until next month. Meeting him in London for a Friday night date, and we’re coming back to Nottingham for the rest of the weekend. I’ll let you know if we’re around for a pint?’

‘For sure,’ Hannah said. ‘I didn’t expect to find Elliot so easy to talk to. He’s so … approachable and un-precious, isn’t he? And so clearly smitten with you. God, it’s a real-life fairy tale!’

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