Page 58 of You Belong With Me

‘What’s the point?’

‘Like I said: so you’ve stress-tested what you have.’

‘Don’t need to. We have complete trust we’ll be OK whatever gets thrown at us. This is it for me. Forever. When you know, you know,’ Fraser said stoutly. ‘All I hope is she doesn’t choose one of those dresses that look like she ballsed up a poached egg.’

‘I know you’re a blind optimist, and that can be a positive, but it’s not great when it comes to anticipating consequences. Don’t put this kind of pressure on your relationship this early.’

‘See, you’re calling it pressure, but commitment isn’t pressure.’

‘Promising you’ll spend the rest of your lives together after knowing each other months is pressure. You can have your own world view, but I think that’s close to having your own dictionary.’

‘Don’t Elliot me with your clever arguments! So if Edie said, “Please marry me right now – I’m totally sure you’re the one for me. Also no one’s ever given me pleasure like you have, take me now on the floor to the worst Radiohead album you own”, you’d say no?’

‘Correct, I’d say no. To the wedding part.’

Edie’s breathing was heavy, she hoped not audibly.

‘Why? You’re mental about her.’

‘You’ve answered your own question. Falling head over heels in love is a temporary insanity. It’s a flood of mind-altering brain chemicals to make you want to propagate the species. It’s not any promise that you’ll feel the same in ayear’s time. You have to let things settle down before you start making longer-term plans.’

Temporary insanity.Edie felt like she’d had a particularly brutal netball tackle. He’d pretty much nutshelled her worst-case scenario for what was happening between them.

Be mine forever?That had meant everything to Edie when she read it, but a literal and practical nothing? She had that distinct flavour of nausea at hearing someone you thought you knew very well sounding unfamiliar. Discovering you’d mistaken your version of a person for the whole person.

‘I dunno – I wanted to propagate the species with women I didn’t love … it’s no use, I know what you’re projecting,’ Fraser was saying. ‘You know all the big words, but I know you too well. Things are very uncertain with Edie. Seeing two people hold hands and jump is making you think about your own problems.’

‘They’re not uncertain?’

‘You told me that the day after you and Edie got back together, she accepted a promotion at work without discussing it with you. You said it would keep her at home, and you didn’t know what it meant.’

What?That bothered him, but he hadn’t said? They could’ve talked about that.

‘You do know what it means – you’re with someone who isn’t going to move to America for you,’ Fraser said. ‘As you say, she probably won’t even come back to London. I get why you don’t think it will last.’

Edie’s heart pounded in her chest.

‘… But I’m sure Molly and I will, so I’m marrying her.You’re not confident about you and Edie, so you’re not. I love you, and I know you’re saying this ’cos you love me, but the call is coming from inside the house.’

Elliot sighed. ‘This is extremely energetic deflection.’

‘That’s whatyouare doing.’

Edie finally found the will to walk away, far too late. She’d been paid her karmic dues as instant balance transfer.

All done with Fraser?she messaged Elliot, lame and culpable, fragile, having gone quickly back down to the lobby and done a circuit of the block.

Shit sorry, darling, meant to say, he was stupidly late, but done now. He wouldn’t hear a word of it, so there we are.

Edie sympathised, while wishing she hadn’t either.

31

‘Hat or no hat?’ Elliot said, proffering the sort of knitted beanie he’d been in the first time Edie interviewed him, when she’d inwardly scoffed at his self-importance.

She laughed in recognition. ‘Remember when …’

‘Remember when you called me a big-headed twat, made me remove it, and we got mobbed? Yes. Expect to hear that tale in a speech someday.’

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