Page 54 of Cover Story

‘You know, my colleagues had multiple banking apps on their phones. When they got bawled out they’d go to the toilets and look at the balances in all these apps to remind themselves why it was worth it. Hoarding piles of gold like dragons. I got through Eli’s funeral on Grey Goose and beta blockers and I started to think, you know, maybe being well-off isn’t worth this. A spiral into clinical depression and the Citalopram followed. I had a few months off and did a course, rediscovered what college Connor wanted to do.’ He paused. It felt good to be honest. ‘Jen and I are collateral from that. She wasn’t as keen on Connor 2.0. Or a return to Connor 1.0, however you want to see it. Is this the right size?’

He pointed at the cheese.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bel said. ‘Yes, they’re ideal. Size of a dice.’

‘Would you mind if we did a quickfire round on each other’s life and times?’ Connor said. ‘I’m slightly concerned that total ignorance might find us out, over the course of an evening. Like, do you have any brothers or sisters?’

‘One, my younger brother, Miles, thirty. Lives in York. We get on well. He’s a children’s party entertainer, believe it or not.’

‘Really? Is that a thing you can full-time be?’

Bel curled the skin from an orange with a potato peeler and threw it into two lowball glasses.

‘Yes, if you’ve got a Rowlf the dog costume, boundless energy for dealing with noisy under-tens, are a member of the Magic Circle and have a girlfriend, Yasmin, willing to chauffeur and DJ. He gets loads of work from weddings, when they want kids present but not involved.’

‘I’m jealous, frankly. What a joyful career.’

‘You, siblings?’

‘Apart from my dead sister?’

Bel grimaced. ‘Erk.’

‘Are we calling her Jennifer? How did she die?’ Connor asked.

‘You decide.’

‘This is the most tasteless and disrespectful conversation imaginable and I am going with an aneurysm in Sainsbury’s two years ago.’

Bel nodded.

‘My phone’s got a picture of Maurice on it now, by the way,’ Connor said. ‘Sadly genuinely passed away. Erm, moving on, my elder brother, Shaun, who lives in D.C. with his wife, Lauren, works for a senator over there.’

‘He’s the one who’s visiting soon?’

‘Next weekend, in fact. He chose Hotel Gotham in the end– remember he had me scouting Didsbury? Shaun’s unlike anyone you’ll ever meet. Astonishing forward momentum, Messianic levels of self-belief. Will analyse and summarise you to your face and, even worse, is usually accurate. This makes him sound awful but he’s great, if alpha dog mental, and I love him a lot.’

Bel registered minor surprise at Connor being this unguarded and warm.

‘Does this mean I’m meeting him?’ Bel said, placing a drink by Connor. ‘Old Fashioned. Sip it or it’ll blow your doors off.’

‘I’d not thought, you can do? I’m staying with him so I’ll be in the city that weekend. Might make sense for the cover story.’

‘Cool. Parents?’

‘Two, Stuart and Elaine, both retired teachers and very nice people. Still in Barking. Shaun has tried to help them move to somewhere more retirement villagey, but they’re settled. You?’

‘My dad died when I was twenty, my mum Bridget is in York. She’s a GP’s receptionist.’

‘I’m sorry about your dad,’ Connor said.

‘My dad’s side is where the money comes from,’ Bel said. She had decided to reward openness with the same approach. If they’d mirrored each other’s disdain in the past, maybe it was time to harness that habit for positivity. ‘My paternal grandparents were “own land” wealthy. But my parents have always been firm that they’ll make our “lives comfortable, not idle”. Miles and I have always worked, but we’ve been free to make more risky choices because we had them to fall back on. We went to state school. My mum works because she thinks she should and she enjoys it.’

‘You don’t owe me explanations, I was completely out of order,’ Connor said.

‘It’s OK, I want to be open about it. Thing is, people think you’re blithely unself-aware about being a “rich kid”, and I’m not. My dad gave me a lot of confidence but maybe the source code of that confidence was being well-off. So there’s all sorts of advantage you can’t unpick. My conclusion is you can’t choose the privilege you’re born with, but you can choose how you live.’ Bel glanced around. ‘Not that I’m slumming it! I’d had such a bad time before I left York I needed cheering up.’

She had said too much and shot Connor a look she hoped conveyed:let’s not dig into that.

---