Page 82 of Cover Story

‘He did owe you that,’ Connor said. ‘You owe basic respect and decency to your partner, even when they break your heart. What he knew about your character didn’t disappear when you said you wanted to end things. Caring isn’t about self-interest.’

Bel looked at him as if she had never considered this before and was genuinely taking it in. There might be some bonding going on. Connor had a sudden powerful conviction, the sort that tended to turn up in low-lit bars with strong drinks, that if he could fix her sadness, it’d fix his sadness.

‘Tell me this, is Tim so hurt he’s now forever alone?’

‘No, he’s with Rhiannon.’

‘There you go,’ Connor said, ‘You had to get out of the way to let that story happen. The complication of the other guy was a burden you chose to spare him, and you’re carrying that burden very heavily yourself. Let the guilt go. The very fact you feel this much guilt is proof of who you are.’

Bel let out a deep breath she’d been holding, eyes still glittering with tears, and said: ‘Thank you.’

‘You know I’m right. For once.’ For some reason, he discovered he’d momentarily give anything for her to find him attractive, even though he knew she didn’t.

‘I would love you to be right this once,’ Bel smiled. In the candlelight glow, she really was quite beautiful. ‘Tonight you saw a scene from the grotesque epilogue. Could you take another drink?’ She nodded at his glass.

‘Yeah. Let’s have our grotesque epilogue be tomorrow’s hangover,’ Connor said, and found himself trying the sort of winning smile he’d not deployed on a woman for a long time. Bel beamed back.

He sat, face propped on palm, while she was at the bar and didn’t check his phone. He wanted to absorb the moment and the pleasure of the company. He’d not talked like this with anyone for a long time. He’d not seen a version of himself, reflected back in someone else’s eyes, that he liked.

It was as if his appetite had returned after a sickness. He’d started to think it had gone for good.

46

Connor realised that going through a tough time wasn’t the issue, it was letting it change you permanently. He’d lost sight of how ‘Enduring Hardships Connor’ was a sharper edged, less tolerant character. That Connor went in expecting the worst of everyone, wearing it as his armour.

His job had been a bloody battle, and he and Jen had been locked in a gladiatorial state of mutual enmity. A doom spiral, where whatever lever you pulled, you were going down into the sea. He’d forgotten he was someone else before.

‘Thanks!’ he said, as Bel placed a fresh Chianti in front of him and a dirty Martini in a coupe in front of her place, as she swung herself back onto a stool.

Connor raised his glass in thanks. ‘Martini at this hour, you’re not here to play.’

‘Hell no.’

‘Grotesque epilogue. Go.’

‘OK … Ant, as said, dodges the leaving his wife part, says their son needs him at home for another however many years, and so on. I split with Tim, I apply for other jobs, avoid Anthony like the plague at the office, leave his messages on Read. Anthony turns this “coming to my senses” into a narrative where Ighosted him. I’d toyed with him on the explicit understanding we’d not be together-together straight away and then changed my tune in impatience. I’m the heartless bitch who led him on. Go figure.’

Connor made a face. ‘He sounds somewhat unwell.’

Bel fished the green olive out of her drink and ate it, daintily spitting the stone into a napkin and folding it away. Connor tried not to think about her lovely mouth doing something quite different, and with him, his hands wound in her hair. It gave him a little spasm of want so intense he’d have to park it for examination later. He pictured her with Anthony and felt a spasm of something else, something painful. Jealousy …? No, it must be revulsion, the man didn’t deserve her.

‘I thought Ant was winding me up at first, it was such extreme projection,’ Bel said. ‘It was like arguing with a pigeon. He says that I exploited his compassion, hahaha. That the hotel room was intended for talking only,I mean!Yet I seized his dick. It goes from that bewildering bullshit to really quite obsessive, rambling messages about the grandness of our passion. You give up pushing back on someone that deranged.’

‘Did he really think a woman ten years younger than him, with options, was going to agree to be an Other Woman for however long it took to get his shit together?’

‘I think he’s an obsessive manipulator. First he manipulates me into being my confidante, then agreeing that we’re in love, and ultimately into doing what I did. He was puppeting the sad girl from work so effortlessly. After that, I’m supposed to be manipulated into being his bit on the side. When his manipulation of me fails he gets angry, but he can’t admit that’s why he’s angry. Instead he turns it into: “I don’t like how thismakes me feel, and if I don’t like how I’m feeling it must be your fault and your intention.” He’s recast me as this brutal femme fatale. It’s like he’s living inside a story because “Bel realised I wouldn’t leave my wife so she wouldn’t consent to full sex on a semi-regular basis” is too ignominious and, you know,on him.’

‘Didn’t you tell his wife? If you’re single and he isn’t?’

‘No. I thought about it, of course, but what am I going to say? I’ve had a thing with your husband and now he’s hassling me, can you do something about it?’

‘Yikes, yeah.’

‘I’m not ruling it out, though. I’m not ruling out having to report him for harassment. I’ve had dozens of emails from him in the last eight months and I’ve never replied to one.’

‘It was him at the office the other day, wasn’t it?’ Connor said, and Bel nodded.

‘He’s been trying to get my mobile number out of Tim, posing as an old friend from work. I know it sounds daft, given we’ve split up, but honestly, Connor, if he tells Tim I will be in pieces. Tim would be absolutely enraged and broken and it would set off a bomb between our families– his family would move to a full war footing with me and I’m going to Tim’s sister’s wedding soon.’

---