Page 85 of Cover Story

‘Do you think you can normalise this by using a patronising tone of voice?’ Bel said. She had to be careful: the plan required her to keep her temper.

‘I think you and I passed “normal” way back, didn’t we?’

Anthony wasn’t only unashamed, he was buzzing. He thought this pursuit of her was incredibly exciting, Bel realised. He bewailed the lovesick agonies that he’d convinced himself he was experiencing, but it was surface tension. And as he knew himself to be a Good Guy, it wasn’t abusive. There’d need to be an abuser for that.

‘There is no “you and I”,’ this is harassment and you’re a stalker.’

‘I’ve come to see you this morning precisely so you can’t say my intention is to intimidate you. I come in complete peace …’ Anthony said, holding his hands up.

A lie. Anthony had no impulse control. His being here meant he fully intended to turn up last night, exactly as Connor predicted, and hadn’t dared because of Connor. Anthony had taken this morning as second best, gambling she might be on her own. He’d not been able to bear going back to York empty-handed.

‘Stalking refers to atime of day?’

‘I have tried in vain to have a sensible conversation with you, offered coffee to chat this out. I come up against a wall of silence or this flapping panic that I might access feelings you don’t want to acknowledge. So lover boy’s not stayed over …? Well, well,’ he said, craning to see past her.

‘Do you think it’s OK to turn up here uninvited? You honestly can’t see how far off the map of acceptability this behaviour is?’

Bel was biting down her urge to scream in rage. She wanted to say, ‘you don’t care how scary this is for me?’ but he’d love that: scoffing at it and saying how on earth could HE scare her, while getting a crotch-thrill from how it made him a dangerous rake.

He was obsessed with her– because he couldn’t have her– and it was conceptually impossible that she wasn’t obsessed back.

‘I think it’s unacceptable to sleep with someone and ghost them, Bel. I’d have dropped you in turn except for the fact I know you’re a much better person than this. I know for sure how much we feel for each other. You can fool me to a point with this hurtful routine but you can’t fool me about that. In fact, it’s exactly how I know I’m right.’

‘I didn’t ghost you. I told you I was no longer interested in having anything to do with you. What you imagine is keeping the faith is, in fact, refusing to accept someone else’s decision.’

‘When the realities of my other responsibilities became real for you, responsibilities we’d discussed at length I might add, you ran away.’

‘No one’s asking you to abandon your responsibilities, Anthony. No one.’

‘This is what I mean! The stonewalling! Dear God …’

‘Do you understand what …’ Bel couldn’t say ‘breaking up’, it made her so unclean, socoated in him, and they were never together to break up: ‘Something “being over” means?’

‘Do you deny you cut me dead when I wouldn’t instantly walk out on Julie and Jacob, even though I explained to you that Jake’s move to sixth form college is a delicate time? The irony is, I’d be the terrible person you paint me to be if I saidoh, myself and this younger woman are besotted with each other, you’ll have to fend for yourselves.’

Bel steeled herself. Temporarily tolerating this sanctimonious, oleaginous, morally back-to-front shit was the price of getting to the other side of this nightmare.

48

‘Your marriage is entirely your business …’

‘Give it a rest,’ Anthony spat, with a flash of real nastiness. ‘Blah blah, “your marriage”, playing the innocent. If it’s all my business then why ever get involved with me?’

‘Because I was extremely messed up at the time, at the end of a serious relationship.’

‘You admitted we were in love. I have messages from you saying you loved me.’

Bel clenched her jaw. She struggled to think of something more repulsive than claiming ongoing rights to intimacy with someone, after one brief encounter. Anthony was like private browsing on a dodgy site and letting a virus into your computer.

‘I was wrong. Feelings change. We didn’t know each other.’

‘Oh, I knowyou, Isabel. We’re twinned souls.’

‘That is mental, arrogant and romanticising that you’re not taking no for an answer. If you knew me you’d know how much I don’t want to hear from you.’

‘Look,’ and she could see Anthony switching gears to ‘let’s drop all this silly belligerence, I idolise you’ nice cop, and she felt sick: ‘We didn’t give this a chance. We were absolutely sensational together and you know it. I understand why your pride was hurt that Iwouldn’t leave Julie straight away. Any man would jump at the chance of being with you, and you had the bad luck to fall for someone who was sayinghold on while I figure a few things out.My situation is more complex than yours because I’m ten years further down the road. Leaving is a process, not an event. You took it to mean I don’t care enough, and I want to assure you, I do.’

‘I don’t want you, Anthony. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t know how many times you can be told that before you accept it.’

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