Page 72 of Omega Rock

When it finally passes I sit still, halfway up in the bed, with only my core to hold me upright. Mia and Noah are still sleeping down the hall and Aiden hasn’t yet stirred either.

I need my meds. I need to check my phone to see if my doctor has replied yet.

I need to use the damn toilet.

But I sit there, deathly still and terrified to move. Several breaths work in and out of me. On the fifth, I steel myself against the pain, my arms held tight to my chest, and force myself to finish sitting upright.

A lightning bolt of pain strikes and I double over, my head knocking against Aiden’s bunk. He jolts, his eyes opening to my face suddenly inches from his. I’m aware he can see the tears building in my eyes, the terror on my face, but I can’t move to hide it or stuff it down.

I hate this so much. This vulnerability. Thispain.

“Leo?” Aiden asks, then his eyes open wider as he fully wakes. “Leo. What’s going on?”

I hold myself there. Being terrified to move is such a pathetic feeling. But it’s there, and it’s real, and I don’t know what to do. “Flare. Bad one. Can’t move.”

Aiden’s brow furrows deep and he manages to wiggle out from under me without touching me so he’s standing. “What can I do?”

I nod to my bunk. “Check my phone. I want to take steroids but I’m not sure my doctor’s okayed it or that it will matter at this point.”

Aiden goes to grab my phone but stops. “At this point?”

I nod gravely. “This is real fucking bad.”

Aiden snags my phone and tucks it into his pocket. “Let’s get you sitting, Leo.” He goes to hold my side but I shrink away from him—a movement that sets off another wave of agony.

“Please don’t,” I breathe. “I cannot begin to describe the pain I’m in when I move.”

Aiden’s eyes dart back and forth, reading my face and everything I’m not saying. Then he nods and checks my phone. “Nothing, I don’t think. But I’m calling an ambulance, Leo.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Everything all at once feels like I’m in free fall all over again. And I can’t even blame it on a night in a jail cell because the truth is that I’ve been over-exerting my body since day one of Knotty Tour. Which is beyond stupid because this much drumming shouldn’t be over-exerting my body. I drummed for years without issues. We don’t even play long sets anymore.

But I know it’s not just the drumming. It’s the few drinks I’ve had. It’s the stress. It’s the crowds and risking some sort of illness or infection any time I move through them, or go to a restaurant, or hang out with my pack.

It’s everything.

Living life risks flares for me, especially the type of life I want to live.

“Fine,” I hiss at Aiden, then catch myself. “Thank you. Please.” And then tears start to fall. Aiden doesn’t react to them, but there’s a hard look on his face. I know he’ll handle this. I just hate that anyone has to see me like this.

So of course that’s when Mia and Noah wake up. They’re in the middle of her nest, door wide open, so they have a clear view of my body shaking as I stand there in the middle of the bunk beds with my head pressed against one side.

Mia’s eyes light up with concern right away. She climbs out of her nest and hurries to my side. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

Noah’s right behind her. “What can we do?”

I close my eyes again and shake my head. I can’t believe this is fucking happening. Everything I enjoy in life was going just fine this long. Why the hell is it falling apartnow? I already lost eight years to this fucking disease. How is it fair to lose more?

Aiden walks away while calling 911.

A purring sound fills the space. I realize it’s Mia trying to soothe me as she goes to rub my back. “Is this okay?”

I nod to her. “Thank you.” Then to Noah, I say, “Honestly, if you don’t mind finding me an empty water bottle.” I try to laugh as I say it but nothing about this and how utterly useless and vulnerable I feel right now is funny.

Noah grabs one for me and I relieve myself. By the time we’re all sorted again, an ambulance has pulled up nearby.

Aiden climbs back onto the tour bus with a harsh frown. “I’m not sure they can get a stretcher up in here.”

I was afraid of that. “It’s okay. As long as I don’t move my arms it should be okay.” Right now the nerve pain is there on both sides but not quite into my chest. Not my legs. Not my back.

---