Page 10 of Top Shelf

He’s not in good shape.

Just as I lift my fingers to type back, I see three little dots appear.

I think we need to talk, Ty.

Fuck.

I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

You’re already losing her, Calway.

I’m so sorry to hear that,I type back.For sure. Let me know when.

She types back immediately.

Can you meet me somewhere in town tonight?

I let out a long, slow breath.

Name the place.

An hour later, I’m pulling out of my dad’s driveway and heading over to Hedging Park, this little place we used to spend so many of our teenage nights on the swings, drinking wine coolers we stole from our parents, and ducking every time a car drove by. When I get there, she’s already sitting on the swings, the only thing lit up under the solitary light at the edge of the park. She’s holding onto the chains, her head resting on her hand.

Even right now, knowing that she’s about to rip my heart into unrecognizable shreds, she’s the most beautiful being I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s still everything, whether she’s mine or not.

I walk toward her and sit down on the swing next to her. Her eyes are at her feet, watching them drag back and forth slowly across the mulch. I turn to face her, and I put my hand on top of hers. She lifts her big brown eyes to mine, filled to the brim with tears, and I feel the first dagger pierce my heart.

“It’s just me, Blackwell,” I whisper. I force a smile and squeeze her hand gently. She lifts her eyes to me slowly, but no smile comes. Instead, she blinks, and the tears start to fall. Instinctively, I reach across and pull her arm. She stands, and I pull her onto my lap. I hold her head to my chest, and I let her cry.

I know she’s crying because this—whatever happened over the last two days—is over. I know she’s crying because she has to let me go.

But still, I let her cry.

Finally, she lifts her head off of me, and I wipe the last few tears from her face.

I look into her eyes, and we just sit like that for a moment. I soak in everything about it—the way dark locks fall over her shoulders, the way she feels in my arms, the flowery way she smells. I let myself drown in it because I know it’s coming to a fiery end.

I lift my hand and brush a piece of hair out of her face.

I know I have to say it…because she can’t. My last gift to her, the last thing I can do for her, even if it’s to my own demise.

“You can’t be with me, can you, Sade?” I whisper. Her eyes drop to the ground, but I tilt her chin up to me. She shakes her head, bringing her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. I take her hand away and bring it to my lips. “Are you going to be with him?”

She’s quiet for a minute, then looks at me again. She stands up and wraps her arms around herself, pacing across the mulch in front of me.

“I don’t know, Ty,” she says. “I don’t know anything. I just… I need him to get better. I just need him to… I left him, and he…he could have died. Things are still bad, and I…I just…”

I stand up and walk to her, taking her into my arms. I pull her into me, and I kiss the top of her head.

“Sade, it’s…it’s okay,” I say, even though it’s not. “Maybe we…maybe there’s still…just give it time. It’s… I’ll be here.”

She shakes her head.

“I don’t…I don’t know,” she says. “I just need him to be okay. I need—”

“I hear you, Sade. I get it. I do,” I tell her. “But you can’t let that guilt you feel force you into a life you don’t want.”

She looks up at me.

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