Page 39 of Top Shelf

“Hmm?” I say.

“I wasn’t joking earlier, about you staying here,” he says.

I turn slightly to face him.

“Are you…are you sure?” I ask him. He smiles and raises an eyebrow.

“Are you kidding me? Sleepovers with my best fake girlfriend, and I get to get you away from Deb? Hell yeah,” he says. I smile and bite my lip.

This feels fast. It feels insane.

And he still saidfake.

But it also feels like it’s exactly what I want.

“I’d love to take you up on that,” I tell him. “But are you sure you’re okay with it?”

He smiles and squeezes me into him tighter.

“Ride the ride with me, Blackwell. Just take a breather,” he says. “Stay with me.”

He buries his face into my hair, and after a few minutes, his breathing starts to slow and shallow out. I flip around slowly so I don’t wake him up, and I lie so that our noses are just centimeters apart. I feel his breath on my face, and I smile at the way his eyebrow twitches in his sleep. I see the scar in his other eyebrow from the park bench he ran into when we were kids.

He’s so beautiful, with so much tension behind his laidback persona. I’m one of the few people that knows about the demons he’s dealt with. His mom’s death. His stepmom’s death. And then I wonder if I became a demon for him when I left.

I wonder if I still am.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

tyson

The past fewdays have flown by, but I can’t remember the last time I have felt this happy. And I know why. And I’m sick of pretending that I don’t.

We decided to be stealth about the “move in” so we don’t have to deal with questions from either of our families. She brings a new bag of stuff each time she comes over and leaves it at my place. I try to keep it casual, but in my head, I’m giddy as fuck. Maybe too giddy. But here’s the thing: I’m starting not to give a fuck.

I know what happened before. I know we were younger and had a lot of baggage.

But after the other night, having her here in my bed, lying with me? Waking up in the middle of the night and seeing her sleeping there, my arm asleep under her head? I went right back to the lake house that weekend. The closest I’ve ever been to ecstasy. And not just because of the sex, even though I haven’t stopped picturing her mouth around me or the way it felt inside of her since it happened.

It’s so much deeper than that—no pun intended.

I’ve been telling myself all this time that it’s fake, it’s casual, just taking it day by day. But every single time I’m with her, every single time I hear her voice, every time she smiles…I can’t pretend like it’s not all I’ve ever wanted. And all I want is to be the one to make her smile. I’m trying not to get too caught up in what’s coming next for us. Frankly, because it scares the shit out of me. But the right now is so damn enjoyable that I plan to soak in every minute. And if I’m left out to dry again, I’ll know that it will have been worth it. She will have been worth it, because of how much I love her.

I gave her my spare key, and she was going to bring some more stuff by today while I’m at school.

Halfway through my second period, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I open it to see a picture of her and Odie, lying on the couch.

Get home soon, roomie,it says, and I smile.

My girl and my dog.

In our house.

Be right there,I tease.

Hurry, I’m making dinner tonight. And FYI, I cook naked.

I feel a twitch in my pants.

---