Page 60 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

Lukas almost snorted. He could barely remember when they were a family. And that was probably a good thing. Not many pleasant memories on that front, at least as far as his parents were concerned.

Except he had loved his brothers. He’d made a big effort to stay in contact at the beginning. Nico never had himself together enough to be an oldest brother, so Lukas had stepped into that role, doing his best to care for his younger brothers, but circumstances made it impossible.

Some elemental pang of nostalgia hit him ... building snow forts. Playing catch. Trying to help Roman with homework and having Drew, who must’ve been all of six at the time, correct him. All of them scraping money together one Christmas to make sure their youngest brother, Jared, got a bike from Santa. Lukas had tried to shield his brothers from the drunken wrath of their parents, but it wasn’t good enough. He should have done better. Maybe that was why he often avoided thinking about what became of everyone. He’d failed to keep them all together, and now they were scattered far and wide like dandelion seeds.

The boys suddenly ran toward them from up ahead. “Come see this cool lizard we just found!” The ladies and Ben went ahead, but Sam surprisingly hung back with Lukas. He took a picture of her as she walked at his side, protesting for him not to take it. He wanted to capture every quirk of a smile, every frown, every expression on her face. So he could remember. Okay, that was a little stalkerish. But still, he couldn’t help it.

Her hand pressed lightly on his arm, and he realized she was touching his nicotine patch. “How’s kicking the habit going?”

“Haven’t touched a cigarette for twelve days. But who’s counting.”

“Nice.”

Effie called back from the front of the group, “When my friend Gloria stopped smoking, she gained thirty pounds. Did quitting give you a sweet tooth, dear?”

“Can’t say it has,” he said to Effie. Then he lowered his voice so only Sam could hear. “I crave another kind of sweet.”

“Like what?” Sam asked innocently. “Candy, cake ... ice cream?”

He stared at her long and hard. “Just one woman I can’t stop thinking about.”

She stopped and let the others go ahead of them. “I thought we weren’t going there again.”

“I never made any promises.”

“Look, I want you to ... I want you to stop flirting with me.”

He got in her face. “No, Samantha. I can’t do that. I’m not sorry I kissed you and I don’t think you are either.”

Sam kept walking, but they were falling behind everybody else. “Iamsorry, Lukas. I never meant for things to start up between us again. You seem like you want me but let’s be honest, I’m just your girl-of-the-moment. Like when we first dated, you weren’t all that interested in having sex with me. But eventually you did because I was ... convenient. And you thought what the hell.”

He froze in his tracks. Turned slowly around to face her. Snorted loudly. “Um, pardon me, but that’s not how I remember it.”

“Well, how do you remember it?”

He cleared his throat. “Let’s talk about this later.”

“No. Let’s talk about it now.”

“Sammy, you all right?” Ben called from up ahead.

“We’ll catch up in a sec,” she yelled back.

“It’s no secret you were out for trouble back then,” Lukas said.

Her eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“You know. The dyed hair, the black wardrobe.”

“You had plenty of rebel in you, too.”

“I did, but you were angry at the world. That never leads to good things.”

She frowned, and it seemed like she understood what he was getting at. “Okay, you’re right. Now’s not the time to talk about this.”

“Whoa. Hold up.” He grabbed her arm. “You brought it up, so hear me out. You wanted to have sex. You couldn’twaitto have it. You wanted to do everything possible to get rid of your good-girl image.” And he’d been such a fool not to help her with that—at first, anyway.

She turned red, and he knew he’d hit the mark. “I know I was foolish back then.”

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