Page 82 of This Loving Feeling (Mirror Lake)

CHAPTER 18

Sam shoved a bottle of wine and the pizza she’d picked up on the way home into Lukas’s brand-new fridge, and paced back and forth on the newly varnished wood floor. Lukas had asked if she’d minded him skipping the T-ball sign-ups, saying he needed to go for a run. It wasn’t like Lukas to beg off from an activity, and he’d looked so ... unsettled. She hoped he hadn’t let Brad get to him. She’d have to tell her brother to cool it, enough already.

She was so on edge these last few days, it was like she was holding her breath waiting for a good strong wind to knock down their fragile house of cards and blow it away for good.

Oh, being with him was wonderful. He was wonderful. But she knew he planned to take Stevie with him on the road. She couldn’t see herself living that life, not that he’d asked, but if he did, what would she do? Would she abandon her life here for him, just as she’d done for Harris? Joe Malone had said her job was still open, and if she wanted it back, but she would have to tell him soon.

She just couldn’t get over the fear that Lukas would leave again. His career would beckon, and he would have to go. And this time, when he left, he would take everything.

From the way her gut was roiling, she knew Lukas and she would have to have a talk. They’d delayed it for as long as possible.One more day, she’d tell herself.Please, God, let us have one more fantastic day together.But she saw it in his eyes, felt it in the desperate way he kissed her, in the way he held her after their frenzied, frantic lovemaking. The sand in the hourglass was running out. Like the last day of vacation, like Sunday night before the workweek. Things would have to be said, decisions made.

Suddenly she saw a face staring at her through the back door.

“May I help you?” Sam asked the balding, portly man who was standing there as she opened it.

“I need to speak with Lukas.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Sam said.

“Are you the nanny?”

Sam crossed her arms. “No, Lukas is old enough to take care of himself now. Are you by chance Tony? Lukas has told me about you.”

The man laughed and offered a hand. “Tony Marinetti. You must be the girlfriend.”

Thegirlfriend. She did like the sound of that, as opposed toagirlfriend orone ofthe girlfriends, but this guy was still a Neanderthal. “I’m Sam. Have you tried his phone?”

“Look,” he said, waving a file folder and his cigar. “He texted me but he’s not answering his phone. I really need him to sign this contract tonight or the Stones are going to sign somebody else.”

“TheRollingStones?”

He must have seen the look on her face because he said, “Oh my God, you don’t know, do you? Lukas is opening for the Rolling Stones next Saturday, and then he’s going on tour with them for the rest of the summer.”

Sam’s head swam a little. She almost had to clutch onto one of the brand-new bar stools. That would be impossible, because the theater benefit was next Saturday. And he was the main attraction. “Next Saturday, the first of June?” she asked.

“The first of June,” Tony said loud and slow, like she was hearing impaired. He set some papers down on the counter. “He needs to sign these and call me immediately.”

Just then, Lukas walked in, car keys in hand. She hadn’t even heard him pull up.

“Tony?” he asked. “What are you doing here?” He looked from Sam to Tony, and in the flash of a second it took to meet her eyes, Sam knew—just knew, in the tiny flicker of something: worry, concern, guilt, whatever she saw there—that he was aware of everything. A tour with the Stones versus a small-town benefit for an old dusty theater. Was there any comparison?

“I’ll tell you what,” she said, forcing what must have been the phoniest smile ever on her face. “You two talk and I ... I’ll finish helping Stevie get ready for bed.” As she climbed the stairs to the second floor, she couldn’t breathe well. Her chest hurt. Her knees were shaking and she had no idea how she was going to keep it together for that little boy.

Why hadn’t Lukas told her he was going back on tour so soon? And why had he not told her he wasn’t singing at the benefit? In the dim hall, she leaned against the wall to collect herself. Tears welled up but she wiped them with the back of her hands and took in big gulps of air. She would finish this off with a smile on her face for Stevie if it killed her.

She’d just drawn Stevie’s bath when Lukas found her in the bathroom. Stevie was leaning over the tub, fists full of mismatched action figures, plopping them one at a time into the water, something she would normally find entertaining. The fact that he was chattering about Wolverine and Batman saving the earth and all the Power Rangers coming to the rescue (with sound effects) was endearing and so bittersweet she could barely keep it together.

Lukas took one look at her and read her I’m-losing-my-shit look immediately. “I’ll take over,” he said. “I’ll put Stevie to bed then we’ll talk, okay?”

Sam took comfort that they didn’t have to say out loud the fact that they would never involve Stevie in their disagreements. It went without saying, like so many other things they just knew without having to communicate. They’d only been together a few days, hardly enough to establish a routine, yet he’d handed her a freshly poured cup of coffee as soon as she came down in the mornings. (Once, he’d even brought it to her in bed. Who could complain it had gotten cold before she’d had a chance to drink it?) Or how he always made room for her to prop herself against him on the couch when they both sat there reading. Or how he just naturally pulled her into the curve of his body at night before they went to sleep, making her feel safe and loved and ...

It was all a mirage. There was no safety in this relationship. She’d known it from day one. Hell, she’d known it six years ago, but somehow she’d believed this time would be different.

By the time Lukas joined her on the big wraparound porch, she’d opened the wine and had already downed a full glass. There wasn’t any furniture yet, so she sat down and leaned against the wall. Ahead was a perfect view of the sun setting over the lake. A big beautiful ball of red going, going ...

Lukas slid down the wall and settled next to her. “Tony told me about the Stones opportunity while I was in the hospital. I didn’t even put two and two together at first that it was the same day as the theater benefit.”

“I believe you, Lukas.” She did believe him. By saying that, she wanted to let him know she trusted him. That she believed they could work things out. They could, couldn’t they? God, where the hell was the wine?

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