Page 12 of Take Me Home for Christmas

“I’m thinking of your family. Your hospitality. At least take someone who cares about something other than his stomach.”

“I’m a little short on those kinds of someones right now.” I walked away, back to the nurses’ station. Brax made me furious and something even worse at the same time—he made me hope that the reason he was so angry—dare I sayjealous—had nothing to do with Drake and everything to do withus.

But that foolish hope was dashed when he said…nothing.

And I still had no one to bring home to meet my mom. My beeper was going off, I had two admissions waiting to come up from the ER, and Drake was waiting for me. Just then, Dr. March intercepted me. I was beginning to think that the universe was determined to keep Drake from coming home with me for Christmas.

“Do you have a second?” she asked.

“Of course.” I took some deep breaths. Bringing my personal life to work was not working well.

“Mia, I know you’re applying for the BCP job, but I wondered if you’re still thinking about heme-onc?”

Oh no. We’d had this discussion last year when hematology-oncology fellowship applications were due. I knew all about thecompetitive program that took three extra years after residency to become trained as a specialist in childhood cancer.

“The deadline is long past,” I said. Besides BCP, I had applications in with two other general practices in the greater Milwaukee area.

She smiled kindly. “I’m only mentioning it because you have such a wonderful way of dealing with our patients, and you’re a great resident. And…the fellow we chose decided to join a private practice instead. We’re accepting applications again—but just until we find a good match.”

For a flash, I saw future-me meeting with families, getting to know kids, making the best and most cutting-edge treatment plans, all things that appealed. But then I saw Gracie’s face, her young life cut short. I’d see her in every. Single. Patient. IknewI would, and it would slay me each and every time.

I held up my hands. “Thanks, Dr. March, but heme-onc is just not for me.” I loved these kids, I loved their families, but a lifetime of reliving my own family tragedy daily through them? I didn’t have the emotional stamina for that. Part of being a success was knowing your limits, right?

She searched my face. Dr. March had that gift that every good doctor should have. She listened, she saw. And she was scarily intuitive.“I know you care deeply about your patients. But that’s just the thing—we need doctors who care. Caring is a good thing.”

No, no, it wasn’t. I managed to shake my head. I loved the work when things went well. But what about the kids who couldn’t be saved?

I wished I could tell her what was on my mind. But not here, not now. “I just want Rylee to get through this and lead a normal kid life.”

She patted my shoulder. “We’re going to do everything in our power to make that happen.”

As she left, images of Rylee floated in my mind, so small and pale, lying in her bed, and her sweet sister looking lost and confused. And their parents, with desperation in their eyes. It made my fake-boyfriend problem seem trivial and foolish.

Between Rylee, Dr. March, Brax, and Drake—oh no, I’d forgotten all about him—my head was whirling.

I needed a minute. I checked my pages, making sure they weren’t emergent, shoved my beeper into my pocket, and walked down the hall to the family pavilion, the place where I often snuck away for a moment of calm.

I needed a lot more than a minute, but I’d take what I could get.

I stepped onto the rooftop patio with a spectacular view of downtown and Lake Michigan. It was cloudy with the kind of cold that slices straight through you. Of course, no one was out here but me. Even though it was morning, I could see Christmas lights in the street and on the top of the tallest hospital building, which featured a green Christmas tree with a blinking star on top.

I loved Wisconsin. The cold was harsh, but it shook me up. Made me understand what was important. Like the fact that my family was my priority. Nothing else mattered.

I closed my eyes and thought of a Christmas wish. I told God that I’d screwed up pretty badly, but I just wanted my mom to have a great Christmas. I wanted to hug her and tell her how happy I was that she was okay.

When I opened my eyes, it had begun to snow. Big, fat, sticky flakes, landing all over my hair, my face, my clothes.

I turned my face up to the sky and let them fall all over me.

It felt like a blessing. Like some kind of absolution. Or maybe it was Grace, watching over my crazy life.

“Take me,” a strong, low voice behind me said.

I spun around to see Brax standing there, calmly meeting my gaze, hands in his pockets to stay warm.

All my anger vanished as fast as water down a drain. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was his expression—serious and determined. Or his eyes—he looked sorry that we’d fought.

Whatever it was, he stopped me in my tracks. Not to mention my heart, my lungs, and most of all, my brain.

---