Page 33 of Take Me Home for Christmas

I frowned instead of laughed. “I’ll send a card.”

“Charlie worries a lot about how you feel,” she said carefully, like she was tiptoeing around this awful topic. “His mom tells me he’s waiting for your blessing.”

Clearly, Charlie hadn’t waited for anything. “To absolve him of guilt?” I snorted.

She gave me a stern look. “Now that you found someone who’s right, maybe you can find room in your heart to forgive.”

I set down my mug, no longer wanting any tea. “I forgive him because I’ve moved on. But as far as showing up there…maybe you could do that, but not me.”

I’ll bet you’re thinking that I seemed like a nice person, concerned with helping others—my patients, my family. My friends would likely say the same. I didn’t cut people off, or alienate them, or hold grudges. But I couldn’t simply pretend with Charlie that nothing had happened, as my mom actually seemed to be suggesting.

My mom would always think of him as that cute, little, chubby-cheeked, curly-haired toddler. Even now, she talked as if what he did—whattheydid, Charlie and Erin—had been something easy-peasy to get over and move on from.

She shook her head adamantly, as if I wasn’t understanding. “I’m not saying what he did was right. I’m saying that you can’t avoid all your friends, everyone—even Charlie—forever. Why let him dictate what you do? But that’s for you to decide.”

So my mom had called me out—and unfortunately, the sinking sensation in my stomach told me she was right, as she usually was. The whole situation was so awkward. If I went to the party, I’d feel like I was under a microscope, with everyone watching for my reaction. But how long was I going to hide for? And didn’t that give Charlie power, if what he did kept me from my old friends and neighbors?

Just as I was about to get up, my mom threw off the afghan, got up, and came to sit beside me. She slid her hand in mine. I initially frowned, but she made me sit there like that until I calmed down. Which of course I eventually did. Because I understood that having my mom by my side, holding my hand, was a precious something that I could have lost. And that thought made all my worries seem much more insignificant. “I’ll think about it,” I finally said.

“Good,” she said, squeezing my hand. We sat for a few minutes, enjoying the fire and the tree. Before long, my mom’s sheer force of stubborn will made me forget that stupid party and just enjoy the moment. Cooper opened one eye and shut it again, wanting nothing more than for me to continue the nonstop belly rubs I was still providing. Oh, to be a dog.

My mom patted my knee. “One day, no one will care what happened, and none of this will even be important to you anymore.”

My head knew this. It knew thatthiswas what was important—being here with my mom, my family. That one day Charlie would be a dim line from my past. I just wasn’t completely there yet.

Thankfully, just then, Dina walked down the stairs and into the room wearing a hot-pink cap with silvery threads shimmering through it, looking more like a kid herself than the mom of a toddler. “Ready to sled?” She turned on the monitor onthe end table. “Emma went out hard. Thanks for listening out for her while we’re gone, Beth. We won’t be too long.”

My mom laughed. “I’m perfectly happy sitting here with my tea and my book.” She picked up a hardcover with a glossy library cover from the end table next to her. “Have fun sledding.”

Dina gave me a nod.Let’s do this.

Time to rescue Brax from interrogation by my brothers. So that I would get to tell him all my secrets instead.

Chapter Eleven

Brax

I was actually excited about going to the barn with the big boys because I was interested in learning more about Mia—things she didn’t tell me herself and that I couldn’t glean from Gabe’s hesitant confessions. I got it—why would she trust me with the important little details of her life after what I’d done to her?

Like who, exactly, was Grace? “Our Gracie,” the D’Angelos had called her. They’d toasted to her. She certainly wasn’t a pet. And maybe some people called their grandmas by their first names, instead of MeeMaw or Nana or Grams, but this family didn’t strike me as having a grandma named Gracie. Which made me wonder the worst. But if they’d lost a sister/child, wouldn’t Mia have mentionedthat?

I knew that any info I would glean would come with a price. I had a feeling they’d be testing me, especially the suspicious one, Caleb.

The barn was clean and warm and smelled like hay and, well, animals. I passed a few cows that were chomping on straw and ahorse that whinnied. I’m not sure I’d ever been so close to actual animals. As a kid, I’d never even gone to a county fair.

Liam found me staring at a giant black horse who snorted and stuck his snout threateningly over his stall. He rubbed the horse’s head and ears, and in response, the horse whinnied and stomped in his enclosure. “Hey, Diablo,” he said. “How you doing?”

Diablo?As if the horse wanted to prove it was worthy of its namesake, he snorted and bent down to…either nuzzle me or take a bite out of me, I’m not sure which. I hedged my bets by ducking and trying not to look startled.

Liam laughed. “You haven’t been around horses?”

I shook my head. Not many of those near our apartment in Philly.

“I’m just messing with you. His name is Fred.” He ran his hand along the animal’s back and fluttered its mane. “Hey, Freddie boy, you wouldn’t hurt a flea, would you?” Fred responded with some kind of noise that seemed collegial, as well as nudging his snout into the palm of Liam’s hand.

Looked like I was going to need my secret weapon—a bottle of Crown Royal I’d tucked into my duffel bag for emergencies precisely like this. I’d placed it on the top of a low barrel, and Caleb was now pouring a round of shots. A large electric heater and a battery-powered lantern sat nearby, casting a warm yellow light. They’d opted not to light the fire pit because it felt like it was below buckass zero out, but it wasn’t half bad inside, once it warmed up a little and you got used to the potent scent of hay and horses.

As we took our seats on hay bales, Caleb started right in. “Mia’s worried about that party tomorrow night.”

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