Page 64 of Take Me Home for Christmas

“I need to ask you something.” I winced at the tightness in my voice. Maybe he had a reason for not telling me.Please, God, let there be a reason.

“Brax, I—” A wave of emotion hit me. I didn’t want this happiness to end. I didn’t want to be betrayed again. That terror closed my throat.

“Mia, what is it?” He glanced from the windshield to me, checking on the progress of the defrost, which was nearly far enough to see out. I knew he was anxious to go.

I spilled all my words. “Sam overheard Brunner say that he all but offered you the job last week. Is that true?”

To Brax’s credit, he didn’t hesitate, looking me directly in the eye. “He implied they were leaning into choosing a male associate—which obviously would be me.”

My stomach dropped like a lead ball. “They never wanted a woman, did they?” Icy cold was seeping into my toes and my heart. I should have known. I should have listened to my gut.

“I don’t know the exact politics.” He sighed heavily. “But Brunner insinuated that might be the case.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hot tears leaked out of my eyes. I swiped them away, ashamed that I was already so emotional about this.

“I wasn’t thinking about the job these past few days. I was thinking about you.”

I threw up my hands. “I don’t know what that means. If you were thinking of me, you should have told me.”

“We had an amazing weekend.” His brows were knit down. “More than amazing. Please don’t do this.”

I couldn’t let it go. “You knew, but you slept with me anyway. How could you keep this from me?” A huge secret. Just like how Charlie kept Erin from me.

“Honestly, Mia, I didn’t know what to make of what he said. It was a little icky, actually. And then you needed someone to come home with you, and I guess I just didn’t think about it.” He sounded like he always did, calm and even. But I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he was basically saying he’d forgotten to mention such a life-changing thing.

Fury bubbled all through me. I could barely contain my anger. “You’re going to work for a group of pediatricians that overworks its employees, doesn’t care about work-life balance, and preferentially hires men?” Suddenly, I saw something about myself. I’d wanted the prestige of this job so badly that I’d overlooked the glaring alarm bells. I was willing to trade the misery of being mistreated for the glory of being able to say I’d been chosen.

And so was Brax, apparently.

He averted his gaze. “Look, if I did take the job, I’d work hard to change the culture.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Apparently I’m not the only one willing to sell my soul for that job.”

His eyes darkened with anger. “I wouldn’t cast stones at my compromises.” His voice rose a little. “What about yours?”

I jerked up my head. “What are you talking about?”

“If you’d get over what’s holding you back, you’d apply for that heme-onc fellowship while it’s still open.” He looked so stern and unyielding. “It’s an opportunity dropping right into your lap, and you don’t even see it.”

A terrible thought occurred that made me sick to my stomach. “Is that why you were trying to talk me into applying for the fellowship? So you’d feel better about taking the job?” I should’ve seen right through that. It was an easy, guilt-freesolution that would knock me right out of the running. It meant something else too, something too terrible to think about. It meant he wanted that job more than he wanted me.

“I wasn’t trying to manipulate you.” He sounded outraged. “Only trying to get you to see that you’re avoiding your true calling for all the wrong reasons.”

He sounded like such a know-it-all. “What exactly are those reasons? Please tell me.”

We were shouting in the driveway. My toes were ice cubes, numb and tingling from the cold. I prayed that my family wasn’t awake and on the way to check out all the commotion.

Brax blew out a big breath. As he looked me in the eye, he seemed to be deciding if he should say what he was really thinking. “Grace,” he finally blurted. “You’re afraid of Grace.”

I gasped. “Gracie is gone.” My voice wobbled. How dare he bring my sister into this? “Please leave her out of this.” I would never stop defending her, protecting her, even in death. Even if it was only against words.

“You don’t want to talk about her. Or about the impact her death has had on you. Yet you became a doctor because of her, and it’s clear she’s always on your mind.” He saw my distress, and I think that made him soften his voice. But that didn’t soften the words. “What I mean is, you’re letting your sad memories of her passing—all the fear and pain—impact what you do now. You went into pediatrics because of her. To save kids. Why not help the ones that you understand better than anyone else? It might be your true calling if you’d just allow yourself to consider it. If you make peace with the past.”

His words stung like an arrow piercing its target.I blinked back tears. How had he somehow managed to put my greatest fear into words? I wished he would turn off that stupid car, open his door and rush to hold me. I wished he’d tell me that we’dhad a wonderful weekend, and say that he loved me, and that whatever happened, we’d work through all this together.

But he didn’t. Instead, he’d been willing to leave hiding something very important from me. And time was up. His windshield was now crystal clear.

“Look,” he finally said, “I’ve got to get to the hospital in time for morning rounds. I’ll see you back at work, okay?”

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