Page 82 of Take Me to the Wedding

No no no.That was absolutely not the right thing to do. Unlike Lilly, I wasn’t going to say anything to falsely reassure Ani. “That matchmaking thing is, you know, just something my grandma did. I don’t put any faith in it. Mia is right. Talking to Tyler is what’s going to make you feel better.”

Ani checked her phone. “He’s golfing with the guys. I’ll have to wait until before the rehearsal dinner to get him alone.”

Mia and I reinforced what a great idea we thought that was. We gave her another drink and more water. Then the three of us took her for a walk. We meandered through the little downtown art show and tried to divert her attention. Finally, she begged to go back to the room and rest, and we all headed to our own rooms to change for dinner.

Lilly and I said goodbye to Mia on the first floor. As the two of us walked to the elevator, Lilly asked if I had a few minutes to talk, and suggested grabbing a couple of Cokes in a little outdoor café off the lobby.

I felt a strange foreboding in my gut that even the colorful bursts of red geraniums scattered around in hanging baskets couldn’t quell. After all, Lilly was Ani’s friend. Our only connection was Caleb, which come to think of, was a little scary, because she’d acted very possessive of him on the last day of farm weekend. But Caleb had sorted things out with her, right? I shrugged my worry off as me still being upset by Ani’s troubles. But Ireallydidn’t want to sit down with her and talk.

“I’m a little nervous about something too.” As we sat on the pleasant patio, Lilly tapped her nails on the wrought iron table. It was covered by a sunny yellow umbrella. Cheery, except I wasn’t at all feeling it. “Do you mind if I run it by you?”

“Of course. Sure.” Which was totally a lie. She’d somehow singledmeout, and that made me concerned that this might be about Caleb. But that was ridiculous, right?

“I know this is crazy,” she began, “but ever since our weekend at the farm, I can’t stop thinking about Caleb.”Oh no.My heart gave a painful squeeze as she met my gaze straight on with her wide blue one. It felt like all my blood was suddenly draining out of my body, from my head down. I fought lightheadedness by grabbing my drink and taking a huge gulp of Diet Coke.

She took a sip of hers, then flicked her gaze back at me. “When he said he wanted us to use being in this wedding to repair our friendship, I was afraid to trust him. I held back, and I didn’t encourage him. But now I just keep thinking about how he saved that little boy. He was so selfless, jumping right after him without a thought. That made me rethink everything. And now that he’s going to be working in Oak Bluff, all our stars might align. Maybe it’s a sign that we’re meant to be. It can be a true second chance for us.” As she spoke, I could see how tightly set her mouth was, how intense the expression in her eyes.

My brain flooded with panic. Caleb was going to work in Oak Bluff? He’d been offered the job? I broke out in a cold sweat. Shaking, I put my straw to my lips. I could barely swallow the icy cold drink, much less concentrate on the rest of her words.

It occurred to me that she could be setting me up. That she knew or suspected that Caleb and I were together, and she was saying this to get me out of her way. But that sounded like something out ofMean Girls, too conniving to be true.

A sense of doom bloomed all through me as she continued. “I just—I just wondered what you thought about me talking with him? If he’d be receptive? If it’s too late? I mean—I know you two are good friends.” She sucked in an audible breath, and her deep blue eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m in love with him, Sam. I can’t help myself.”

I was choked with panic. And a strange sense of disbelief. I looked around the patio—people were laughing, chatting, sipping drinks. The bright day was warm with a light breeze. Had I fallen into a dream state, caused by Ani’s distress and too much champagne, where my worst nightmare was playing out in real time before me?

With a clumsy jerk of my arm, I tipped over my drink, the icy liquid dripping onto my hand and through the table onto my legs. This was definitely not a dream. “You… you’re in love with him?”

She nodded solemnly. Then she gave a nervous little laugh. “Strange, isn’t it? How it can just hit you like a giant sledgehammer.” She tapped her hand against the table so hard I started. “Caleb was right. We were so young when we were together, and we didn’t have the tools to make it. But we’re mature people now. I want to tell him that I’m ready. I want another chance, but I’m terrified. So, what do you think?”

It felt like she’d just driven a stake into my heart. And yet I breathed and lived, and my heart kept beating with a strange, slow pulse. The small, brief burst of happiness that I’d experienced with Caleb seemed precious and rare, like a visit from my mother that would be longed for, ached for, for ages, but never repeated. Clearly the universe was laughing at me, telling me that I’d been right all along—that love wasn’t for me. Because I’d just been put into an impossible bind.

What would Oma say? This was proof that her matchmaking test was a sham. A silly game. Wishful thinking that I’d been desperate to believe because I’d needed to believe in some kind of magic.

My mind was whirling. Unlike in the OR when someone’s oxygenation falls or their heart rhythm goes awry, and I was always clearheaded and ready, my brain was slow and sludgy. This time I could not think on my feet.

I thought of my options. I could tell Lilly right now that I was dating Caleb even though we literally hadn’t had even been on one normal date. Yet I could step up and stamp him as mine.Sorry, Lilly, too late. He’s taken.

But I couldn’t do it. How could I rob Caleb of that choice? Something that he’d dreamed of for years.

What ifIwas just a passing infatuation, andLillywas the one he was meant to be with? Lilly had said herself that initially she didn’t trust his sincerity—how could she, after the rumors? Rumors I’d had a part in.

Caleb had sworn he was over her. But if I made his choice for him now, would there always be a tiny littlewhat-ifin the corner of his mind?

I’d always stood up for myself, been able to speak out, but now I found that I couldn’t shut her down. Not because of any kindness I felt I owed her because of my mistakes or because of any sympathy I might have for her sudden affection for Caleb—because I had little of either. But because Caleb deserved to have the choice that he’d wanted desperately—until very recently. Arealchoice. A choice I found that I couldn’t interfere with even if it meant ditching my own happiness.

How could I speak for him when he’d loved her for years?

He would always wonder. Or if I shut her down, I would always wonder if he’d choose her if given the chance. Either scenario was terrible.

I’d always told myself that I didn’t want love. But Ididwant it. I’d been holding it, right in my hands. But this wasn’t my choice to make. It was his.

When I did finally speak, I was amazed at how calm I sounded. Even-keeled. Surprisingly steady. “You should tell him everything.”

Just then, my phone vibrated with a call. It was him, of course. I let it roll to voicemail. A few seconds later, a text came up.Golf was fun. Miss you already. See you at dinner.Followed by three emojis—heart eyes, double hearts, kiss.

The silly nonsense of lovers.

I turned my phone over on the table and closed my eyes. My breathing came in jerky breaths. The patio around me spun. The Coke kept dripping on my legs, as if gallons had spilled instead of a few ounces.

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