Page 135 of Return Policy

“This is so charming.” We hop out of the truck, and in the same moment, the screen door from Nama’s house slams shut.The name I used since I was a toddler and couldn’t pronounce grandma.

“Well, if it isn’t the most handsome man on the entire planet,” Nama coos.

I look up to see her bright, smiling face. “Hi, Nama.”

“That’s all I get?” She places her hands on her hips. “Six months without my little Elijah, and all I get is a ‘Hi, Nama?’” Sophia follows behind me as I stride towards Nama and envelop her in a hug. I plant a firm kiss on her cheek, and Nama’s smile widens as she glances over my shoulder.

“This is my girlfriend, Sophia.”

Sophia readjusts the bag on her shoulder, then extends her small hand outwards. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Nama grabs it, tugging her in for a tight embrace. “None of that formal crap. In this family, we hug.” Sophia’s shoulders momentarily tense before she relaxes and melts into her. “Now let me look at you.” Nama pulls away, taking Sophia’s hand and spinning her around. “Oh sugar. Aren’t you just the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen?” She shakes her head. “How in the world did my Elijah capture you?” Sophia covers her mouth as blush creeps up her cheeks.

“Nama.” I raise my eyebrows at her. “Please don’t scare her away in the first five minutes.”

“Oh, honey. She seems like she can handle more than five minutes with our crazy lot.”

“Yeah,honey. I’m a big girl. I think I can handle your family.” Sophia folds her arms over her chest.

Nama laughs, smirking at me. “I like her.”

“What should I call you?” Sophia asks.

“Grandma Mia.” Nama narrows her eyes, putting a finger to her ear before pointing toward Sophia’s bag. “Your bag is buzzing, dear.”

Sophia’s eyes grow wide as saucers. “Oh, um… It must be the alarm I set on my phone to check in with my dad.” I roll my lips together to stop from laughing and blowing her cover, considering her phone is securely in my pocket.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you. I’m sure he’s worried sick, missin’ you.”

“Okay, well, why don’t we get your phone out and then we’ll go see Mom,” I offer, placing my arm around Sophia.

“I’ll see you two later tonight for dinner,” Nama says, smiling wide. “We’re going to Ricky’s Ribs. Be ready by seven o’clock.”

“On the dot,” I reply, and she laughs, heading back to her house. As soon as the door shuts, Sophia throws her large duffel to the ground and crouches down, furiously searching through it.

“Whatcha got there?” I ask, unable to hide the amusement in my tone.

“I’m going tokillher,” Sophia mutters to herself, shuffling the contents around, getting increasingly more panicked. “Yes!” She yanks her hand out, holding a little pink vibrator above her head. “Shit!” Clutching it to her chest, she rushes to turn it off before shoving it back in her bag.

“You brought avibrator?” I ask, and she glares at me. “What? These hands aren’t enough for you anymore, baby?” I wiggle my fingers, tickling her. “I thought we’ve established that I’m an expert with my hands—and tongue—and dick.”

“No, I mean, yes, you are.” She laughs nervously. “Sage suggested I bring it, and I guess she didn’t take no for an answer.”

“Well, remind me to thank Purple Skittle for ensuring we have the proper tools for our little vacation.”

“Mm-hmm.” She stands up and I pull her to me, pressing a soft kiss to her mouth.

“You ready to meet my mom?”

“Ready to meet the woman who blessed the earth with all this?” She rubs her hands up and down my stomach. “Hell yes.”

“That’s my girl.” I lean down for another peck kiss and lead her to my house, grabbing our other bags on the way.

“I really wish you would have told me we were going to a farm,” Sophia groans, eyeing the suitcase I’m lugging toward the house.

“Why?”

“Um… You’ll see when I get dressed later for dinner… I don’t really have casual farm town clothes with me.”

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