Page 53 of Merry Mischief List

“Five grand?” Andi gawks, jumping off Knox’s lap. “For a twerk contest? Sign me the fuck up.”

“Why do you think it’s so packed here tonight?” Knox says as we stand to join her. “There’s nothing rich people love more than getting richer.”

“Well, you know who loves winning money more than rich people?” Andi asks rhetorically. “Broke people. Looks like this elf’s twerking for cash tonight.” Knox and I share a look, and Andi’s expression drops. “Are you guys gonna tell me not to do this? Because there’s nothing wrong with—”

“That’s not what we were gonna say,” I assure her, placing my hand on her lower back. “You go twerk to your heart’s content.”

“Aren’t you gonna join me?” She pouts, looking between us.

“Knox enters every year,” I say. “But I’m a better coach than a player at these things, I promise.”

“Okay, fine,” she says, looking between me and the dance floor. “Think you could grab us another round of drinks? I’m gonna need a little jingle juice before getting low.”

“You got it,” I say. “One round of jingle juice coming up.”

After a very tough twerk out, Knox and Andi were, unsurprisingly, invited on stage to take part in a lap dance contest between the last six remaining contestants.

We have Knox dressed as gigolo Santa, Andi the sexy elf, a scandalous Ms. Claus, twins dressed as chestnuts, and a guy with Christmas ornaments and bells hanging off him.A creative take on jingle balls.

The Christmas version of “Pony” by Ginuwine is playing through the speakers as Knox performs his lap dance on all the contestants. When he gets to Andi, he holds himself in a handstand and slowly grinds down against her. Andi’s laughing hysterically, the crowd’s going wild, and it’s clear he came to win. Even I’ve gotta admit he’ll be a tough act to follow.

After his song ends, he and Andi switch places, and she starts with his lap first to the tune of “Christmas Lap Dance” by R-DOT. The DJ should get a raise because these back tracks are hilariously perfect. Andi’s body sways in perfect rhythm to the music as she glides her tight ass against Knox’s front. His eyes connect with mine, and the look on his face tells me he’d much rather be getting this show in private.That makes two of us.

After a heated battle, a redhead dressed as Ms. Claus ends up beating them both with a very sexual rendition of “Santa Baby” that practically puts half of Ploutos in a blue-ball-induced coma.

Knox and Andi walk off the stage with glowing smiles and heads held high.

“Sorry you didn’t win,” I tell Andi, tucking her under my arm.

“That’s alright,” she says, beaming up at me. “It was a blast.”

“I’m pretty sure Knox almost lost the deposit on his Santa suit for how good your performance was,” I tell her, cocking a brow at him.

“Oh, please,” he says with a laugh. “No need to worry about my deposit. I bought this suit.”

“Of course you did,” I say.

“I still can’t believe my Magic Santa routine didn’t win first place.” He shakes his head.

“Aww, don’t worry,” Andi says, patting his chest. “Channing Tatum would’ve been proud.”

“There’s always next year, buddy,” I tease, and he flips me off.

“Yeah, and if the football thing doesn’t work out, I think you’d make a killing at Chippendales,” Andi supplies.

“Itisalways good to have a back-up plan,” Knox agrees just as the redhead who won the contest walks up to us.

“Hey, y’all,” she says with a sweet smile.

“Congrats, Felicity!” Andi says, pulling her into a hug.

“Thanks,” Felicity says. “I think you were robbed though.”

“Girl, shut up. You slayed,” Andi replies genuinely. “A Nonsense Christmas” by Sabrina Carpenter comes over the loudspeaker, and Felicity’s face lights up.

“Oh, I love this song!” she says, bouncing energetically and grabbing Andi’s hands. “Please dance with me? I’m so wound up from the contest.”

“Later, boys,” Andi says, shooting me a wink before being dragged onto the dance floor.

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