“God, no,” I say. “But I didn’t want to even entertain the conversation. And honestly, if Jonathan didn’t do what he did, we would still be together, and I wouldn’t have Noah. Or be faking it with Noah. Or whatever we’re doing. Because I’m the loyal one. The ‘never gives up’ one. And I never would’ve given up on him.”
Andi stares at the door Jonathan walked out of, then turns to face me. “We should be egging his car, leaving flaming shit bags at his doorstep, putting permanent blue dye in his shampoo,Big-Fat-Liar-style,notforgiving him! What kinda bullshit logic is that?”
I shrug.
“Charlotte Benson,” the nurse calls, and I pop up, glad to be done with this conversation too.
I want to move on.
Hate is a poison that spreads slowly, killing you from the inside out. Forgiveness is the antidote. I did it for me.
23
CHARLOTTE
“Again!” Denny tells Noah, and he does yet another backflip in my parents’ backyard garden. A bounce house is set up in the corner, and rows of catered food line the perimeter. The best way to describe it is White House Fourth of July BBQ Chic. Hot dogs and baked beans have been traded for filet mignon and smoked-salmon canapés.
It’s all veryposh,but I can’t deny I’m obsessed with the apple rose puffs adorning the dessert table. They’re beautifulanddelicious.
The twins love being born on the Fourth because they think all the fireworks and hoopla is for them, but I fear as they get older, they’ll realize this party is really for Mother’s donor friends to schmooze and booze them.
Noah does another flip, then stands in place, glaring at me. “Why did you tell her I could do this?”
I shrug, keeping my deal with Denny to myself.
“You feeling queasy yet?” Denny asks, and I pin her with a look.
“What?” Noah says, eyes narrowed. Denny fights a smile, looking at me, then back to Noah. “What are you two up to?”
“Nothing,” we both say too quickly.
Noah’s eyes lock on Denny. “Spill.”
No! She’s too weak.
“Lottie-said-she’d-pay-me-ten-bucks-if-I-got-you-to-backflip-till-you-puked,” Denny says in a rushed admission, then inhales loudly.Like I said, weak.
“Really?” Noah’s eyes swing to mine, and he folds his arms across his chest. My eyes drag along the flexed muscles. His long fingers that know how to edge me to the brink of release. “And why might you force that kind of torture upon me?”
My gaze returns to his. “Call it payback.”
“For what?”
For blowing me off the last two weeks while you’ve been away.It’s been nothing but small talk and surface-level conversation since he picked me up from camp earlier. We were running late because he’d hit traffic, and we rushed to make it before the party started. The kids and my parents have had us preoccupied ever since.
“For the little mermaid impersonator I found in your cabin a few weeks ago,” I lie, since tiny ears are around.
“I love that movie!” Denny says, running off belting “Under the Sea.”
“I have been told I look like Prince Eric,” he says once we’re alone.
“With that inflated ego, you’re more like the hot air balloon inUp.”
“Cute.” His eyes narrow, then he reaches out and brushes my hair behind my shoulder. “If you wanted to punish me, I could think of much better ways.”
“The point is that youdon’tenjoy it.” I step closer, lowering my voice. “Pretty sure if I tied you up and whipped you for being such a bad, bad boy, you’d like it a little too much.”
Noah’s eyes blaze. “Porca troia,soffione.” His gaze says he’s ready to rip these clothes off my body. “Please don’t make my mind go there right now.”