Page 61 of Octane

Her soft body fits together with mine perfectly. I place a hand on her cheek and kiss her forehead. Within minutes, our breathing has evened out and sleep begins to overtake us. The idea of falling asleep next to her every night puts a smile on my face. That’s the last thought that floats through my mind before sleep pulls me under.

CHAPTER TWENTY

SAWYER

My second race was so much better than the first one. I went out onto the track with confidence that I hadn’t seen in myself in a very long time. During the qualifying run on Friday, I managed to snag the number twenty-seven starting position for the race. My goal of placing in the top half wasn’t met, but that was certainly better than barely making it into the race and starting dead last, like in week one. I started strong and managed to finish in fifteenth place by seven thousandths of a second.

The time that Jackson and I spent together this weekend was absolutely incredible. We were awakened by the hotel room phone at two in the morning on Friday. It was Daniel, and he was irate. He’d been calling my cell phone, which was on vibrate, with no answer since late Thursday night. He wanted to know why I hadn’t called him when I got back to the hotel room, like I’d said I would. While in the throes of passion with Jackson, I’d completely forgotten. I told him that dinner ran long, and when I got back to the hotel, I was so tired I went right to bed. I don’t know if he believed me, and at the time, I honestly didn’t care. He was three thousand miles away.

I have to admit that I do feel a little guilty for cheating. That’s not the person I want to be. But I kept telling myself that I was leaving him the moment I got home, and soon it wouldn’t matter anyway. However, now that we’re back in LA, back to reality, I can feel the confidence I gained in those four amazing days beginning to dwindle. Jackson and I shared a car from the airport, and he’s got a tight grip on my hand in the back seat. He knows that I need to have a difficult conversation with Daniel when I get home, and I think he may be more nervous about it than I am.

He begged me to let him come with me, but I think that would make everything worse. I don’t want Daniel to know that I’m leaving him for someone else because that’s not the main reason I’m leaving. I am finally getting away from the toxic person who has ruled my life for so long. It’s something that I should have had the courage to do a long time ago. The only reason Jackson is okay with not accompanying me is because Carissa will be there. She was elated when we spoke yesterday, and I told her that I was planning on leaving him as soon as I got home. She jumped at the chance to be my backup.

The last time I told Daniel that I was leaving him, he wouldn’t let me out of the condo for two days and had insisted we hash out every single issue that’d ever come up in our relationship. We went around and around until he had me believing that it was all my fault. I was a sobbing mess by the end of it, and somehow, I ended up begginghimfor forgiveness.

That was years ago, however. I’m a little older, and hopefully, a little wiser. Jackson made me promise that if I feel like things are spiraling or going awry, either Carissa or I will call him so he can help us. And if all else fails, I’m to use the can of mace that he slipped into my purse once we got our luggage at LAX.

“There’s Carissa,” I point out, relieved as we pull up to our building. “I think we should go up separately from you. I don’t want to chance running into Daniel while we’re together. I just… I don’t need him getting upset before I get the chance to speak with him.”

“Okay,” Jackson agrees.

I smile, and he pulls me in for one last kiss before I exit the car. Carissa wraps me up in a hug. I hadn’t realized how much I needed one. I feel like there is a war raging within me. I’m determined to stand up to Daniel, and at the same time, I’m completely terrified.

“How are you doing?” Carissa asks me, her eyes scanning my face for clues.

“I don’t know. I just want to get this over with. Thank you for letting me stay with you until I find an apartment. I’m planning to go out and look for one tomorrow.”

“Sas, you can stay as long as you’d like, you know that.” She has tears in her eyes as she speaks. “I’m so proud of you for taking this step. You need to. You have to get away from him.”

“I know. And I will.” I speak with conviction, hoping I can do what I say.

Jackson takes my luggage from the driver and places it into Carissa’s waiting car. I tip the driver a twenty, and he leaves. We need to get inside before I lose my nerve and have Carissa take me to her house instead of confronting Daniel.

When we get inside, I call the elevator to the lobby. Carissa and I step in when it arrives, and I turn around and lock eyes with Jackson. He gives me an encouraging smile, and I nod my head as the doors close.

The closer we get to the twenty-third floor, the more terrified I become. What was I thinking, not letting Jackson come with me? No, this was the right decision. Carissa and I can handle Daniel together.

When I open the door to our condo, Daniel is sitting in the living room, reading the newspaper. He looks up at me with ice in his stare. It turns to fire when he sees that I’m not alone. I’m sure he had some sort of punishment or verbal debasement planned for my return, but Carissa being here throws a wrench in it.

Exactly as we’d intended.

“What the hell isshedoing here?” He practically spits the word ‘she’.

He slowly walks toward us, like an animal stalking its prey. One of his favorite intimidation tactics. It works because I’m shaking so badly; I feel like my knees are going to give out. I swallow a few times but can’t form the words that I need to say.

“I asked you a question.”

This is it, Sawyer. Just do it.

“I’m leaving you.” The moment the words leave my lips, a sense of relief moves through me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he scoffs. “Say goodnight to your sister and come to bed.” Daniel grabs me around my bicep and tries pulling me back to the bedroom.

“Get the fuck off of my sister, asshole!” Carissa’s words cause Daniel to stop dead in his tracks.

I pull my arm from his grip, and he looks at me like I have three heads.

“I see,” he begins. “Little Sawyer’s all grown up now? You’re a tough girl suddenly?”

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