Page 109 of Octane

If I’m going to die today, I can’t go without saying my piece.

“I just want so much for you, Sawyer. I want you to be the type of girl who other girls look up to. But you’re too wrapped up in all this boyish racing bullshit.”

Daniel looks like he’s in anguish. I’ve never seen his hair so disheveled, and he’s grown out his beard which is very uncharacteristic of him. He’s a complete and utter mess.

“How can you say that? You didn’t want anything for me but to stay home and be at your beck and call. That’s no kind of life, Daniel.” I see Jackson creeping closer. “You claim to love me, but—”

“Idolove you, Sawyer. That’s why I can’t stand to lose you.”

“No, Daniel. You don’t know what love is. Maybe you did at one point, but you don’t anymore, and you haven’t for a long time.”

“ARGH!” He puts his hands over his ears and shouts. He doesn’t like hearing the truth, and he hates that he can’t convince me to believe him.

Jackson uses that moment to pounce. He stands up and runs at Daniel, knocking him to the ground.

“Run!” he yells to me, but I’m frozen.

Everything feels like it’s in slow motion again. I watch as the two of them wrestle one another, the loaded gun between them. Someone grabs me from behind, picking me up and carrying me back into the garage.

Nate.

I scream for him to let me go, but he doesn’t. He takes me to where Ryder, Tim, and Robby are, and it takes all four of them to subdue me, even with a hurt arm.

“Let me go!” I scream at them.

I can hear movement on the ground and grunts as they roll around. I have to go. Jackson is out there and—

The gun goes off, and everything suddenly goes quiet and still. It feels like hours pass, yet it feels like only seconds. I listen for any sign of noise, but there is none. My entire body aches, thinking of Jackson out there, dead from a gunshot wound. Daniel is going to get up any moment and kill us all.

I wiggle my way out of their grasp as they’re momentarily focused on the gunshot as well.

Hopping to my feet, I run toward Nate’s car. I don’t care if Daniel shoots me. If Jackson is dead, I want to join him. If that’s the only way we can be together, bring it on.

I round Nate’s car and stop dead in my tracks, staring at the scene before me. I didn’t think I could cry harder than I already was, but seeing him lying on the ground in a pool of blood that’s getting larger by the second sends a wave of emotion through me.

I clutch my stomach and fall to my knees.

“Is he…”

“Dead?” Jackson finishes my question. “Yes.”

I reach out and pull him to me.

“I was—so scared,” I sob into his shoulder. “I—I thought—it was you.”

“No, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, angel. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

He stands and helps me up. Finally, we hear sirens in the distance. The other guys join us, and we wait as a group for them to arrive.

* * *

It’s beentwo weeks since the shooting. After the police got there, they wanted to speak with everyone to get our statements. Jackson yelled at them and told them they weren’t allowed to talk to me until I was tended to. He rode in the back of the ambulance with me, holding my hand the entire time.

Luckily, the bullet went right through me so all the doctors had to do was stitch me up and send me home. When I got home, Jackson put me to bed and has barely let me out of his sight since.

Carissa has also been staying over most nights. Jackson is a saint, and he hasn’t complained about having a houseguest so far. At least not out loud. I’m lucky that they get along so well. Until they both get on me about being out of bed. Then I wish they weren’t so close. I don’t like when they gang up on me.

Jackson and I just got back from my two-week check up with my doctor. He said that I’m healing nicely, and he doesn’t expect that I’ll have any issues with the muscle in my triceps in the future. Which is good because I’m planning to get back to racing at the beginning of next season. I’m not on restriction for that long, I just feel as though my life has had too much excitement lately, and I need to slow it down.

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