Page 42 of Octane

Once I’m outside of the bank and in the fresh air, my breathing improves slightly. I try to take some deep breaths, and I can feel the panic lessening. Walking to my car, I sit in the driver’s seat until I feel well enough to drive.

When I’m ready, I put my car in drive and turn right on Sunset Boulevard. Maybe there’s a good explanation for Daddy closing the trust fund that he’s been putting money into my entire life. I roll my eyes. I need to speak to my father. I need to know why, when I’ve finally gotten the nerve to leave Daniel and start a new life without him, I’ve run into a brick wall.

* * *

“Sawyer, hi! Long time no see.”

Darla, my father’s long-term executive assistant, squeals when she sees me. She hops up from her chair and grabs me in a hug. I have to admit, it feels nice. She’s been a bit like a surrogate mother to me through the years.

“I know, it’s been entirely too long. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much.”

“It’s okay, you’re busy.”

“Yeah,” I offer her a sad smile.

Although my not coming around isn’t because I’mbusy.

“Is my father in?”

“He is. He was on the phone a second ago, let me see if he’s off.” She checks the screen of her phone to see if Daddy’s line is still lit up or not. “Looks like he’s free, go on in.”

“Thanks, Darla.”

I knock gently on Daddy’s office door, but I don’t wait for him to answer before opening it. Dad?” I say, craning my head around the door.

“Jelly Bean? What are you doing here?” He rises from his chair, calling me by the nickname he gave me when I was little.

I used to eat Jelly Beans all the time, which is why that nickname used to be so fitting. Now I can’t remember the last time I had one. He wraps me in his arms, just like Darla did.

Just like Jackson did.

The comfort my father’s hug brings me is like a catalyst for my tears. I think about the argument with Daniel last week, the issue at the track, getting fired, and how my father doesn’t know about any of it. How I’ll never be able to tell him. Immediately, the flood gates open. I hate the distance that Daniel has forced between my father and me. We used to be so close, best friends. Now he feels like a stranger.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“His concerned eyes are focused intently on my face, waiting for me to answer.

He places his arms on my shoulders and moves away slightly so he can get a good look at me. I can’t answer him yet, the sobs are too thick to talk through. He pulls me over to the sofa in his office, and I sit down, grabbing a tissue from the box on his table.

“What’s going on with you?”

I wipe my eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately.”

“Like what, Jelly Bean?”

“Just… everything. Work, I’m nervous about my race on Sunday… But I’ll be fine, I think I just needed a hug.”

He smiles, and I know it made him happy to hear me say that.

“But there’s something else, too,” I admit. I can’t lose track of why I came here. “I just came from the bank. I was going to withdraw some of my trust for a few things I need—”

Before I finish, my father’s face falls, sadness pulling at his features. “I was wondering when you were going to find out about your trust fund. I wanted to have it reestablished long before now, before you noticed.”

“What happened, Daddy?”

My father rubs his hands down his face, presumably gearing himself up to deliver bad news.

“Three years ago, the company took a big hit. The biggest hit we’ve ever had. The market crashed, real estate was dead, and it was as if the company started bleeding money. I tried everything I could think of to stay afloat, but nothing I did was enough. I’m afraid I took your stubbornness for granted. I knew you didn’t rely on your trust, so I started taking money from there. Unfortunately, I ended up needing all of it and then some.”

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