Page 53 of Octane

Everything about him pulls me in: his intense stare, his gentle touch, the way my stomach blooms with arousing heat the longer I’m near him. I know his feelings are reflected in my eyes.

Unable to stop myself, I place a hand on his neck. I can feel his pulse racing beneath my palm, matching the rhythm of my own rapid heartbeat. I tug on him gently, pulling him in for the kiss that I denied both of us the other night. Once again, our lips are a hair's breadth apart. Anticipating the electricity that I felt last time, my heart beats even faster. I close my eyes, readying myself for our lips to meet.

Only this time, he is the one to pull away.

“Sawyer, I’m so sorry…”

He stands and moves away, running his fingers through his hair with frustration. My brows furrow with confusion.

Did I do something wrong?

“I didn’t mean to lead you on the other night. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. You were vulnerable, and I was weak.”

My face falls. I thought he felt the same way about me as I did about him. I’m such an idiot. Of course he doesn’t feel that way about me. Why would he? I have nothing to offer him. I feel like such a fool. He must have seen my reaction because he’s back, crouching down in front of me in an instant.

“Not because I didn’t want to. MyGod, I wanted to.”

He runs his hands up my thighs quickly, and the heat deep in my stomach spreads through my whole body.

“The things I would do to you if you were mine…”

His touch leaves me dizzy, and the look in his eyes has me begging for him to do it all.

Show me what you want to do to me, Jackson.

As quickly as his touch came, it’s gone, and he’s back on the other side of his office, leaving my feverish skin cold.

“I know what it feels like to be cheated on. To have your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on. IloatheDaniel, and I don’t give a shit about hurting him. But I can’t bring myself to be like them.”

“Like who?”

“My ex-fiancée. I caught her in bed with my half-brother a week before we were due to be married.”

Hearing that he was hurt in the past breaks my heart. Who could do something like that to someone so genuinely good?

“Jackson, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago,” he shakes his head as if to clear the bad memory from it. “But I won’t lower myself to their level.”

“I’m…”

Suddenly, I feel ashamed of my actions. Not because I’m in a relationship, but because I’ve subjected Jackson to something that causes him to feel pain. I’m reminding him of the person who hurt him in the past. Unable to look him in the face any longer, I stand up.

“I should go. I… I shouldn’t have come.”

JACKSON

“No! Sawyer, don’t go.”

I shout after her, but she’s already flung the door open and is halfway down the hall. I should go after her, but nothing good will come of it. As if snapping back to reality, I look around my office and see several staff members staring at me.

“Sorry, I… sorry,” I turn around and go back into my office again.

I close the door and sit in the chair behind my desk, dialing Bethany’s extension on the phone.

“Hold all of my calls until I say otherwise. No interruptions of any kind.”

“Yes, Sir.”

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