Page 76 of Injustice and Absolution

Swallowing as best as I can, I nod and give him my best attempt at a smile. I take a moment to check my tables, praying they’re all in need of refills so I can waste as much time as I can before the impending confrontation.

But as my luck always seems to go, they’re all content and don’t need anything from me at this time. With no excuse to linger, and not wanting to make Drew more upset with me, I hurry into his office as quickly as I can while fighting the feeling of sinking deeper into quicksand.

I give him my best smile when I enter his office, trying desperately to convey the idea that nothing is amiss. But as soon as the door is closed and he locks his accusatory stare on me, my stomach plunges to my feet.

“What the fuck was that?” He hurls the question at me with fury.

This is another new side of Drew. He’s sharing more of himself. But a growing trend of intense, unhinged behavior lights a panic inside of me.

“It wasn’t... It was nothing,” I explain, choosing not to try to conceal my fear any longer in the hope that it will coax his protective nature out.

“That’s bullshit, Delilah!” he shouts, pounding a fist against the door behind him and making me jump. “He was touching you. Looking at you like he wanted to take a bite of what’smine.”

My hand rubs along my collarbone as I swallow nervously. I don’t know what to say because I can’t deny what he saw. Royce pulled me in like he’s always been able to do.

“Come home, kitten…”

If Drew hadn’t come out, I know Royce would have gotten me to admit that I was scared. That I was beginning to doubt the choices I’ve made in the past couple months. He would have swept me away, then and there, and I could be on my way back to Gettysburg right now.

But … is that what I truly want? To go back to a life where Royce and I don’t speak to one another? Where I have to hide my feelings even as I’m forced to confront them daily?

With Drew, at least I’ve been living. He wants me and never shies away from his desire. He doesn’t tell me I’m a mistake. He doesn’t turn away my hunger for him. He doesn’t ask much of me. Only to be honest, with both him and myself.

“Is there something going on between the two of you?”

“No,” I insist, and at least I’m not lying.

Drew considers my response as he assesses my body language. I fight to appear strong in my conviction even though it still feels as though I’m being dishonest. Call it omitting the truth, but I’d win this argument based on the technicality that he didn’t ask me if there had ever been anything between us in the past.

It’s flimsy at best, but I manage to stay strong.

“So you’re telling me nothing ever happened between you guys? Because the way you two were eye-fucking the shit out of one another out there screams otherwise.”

Shit.

Swallowing, I wring my hands together in front of me. The truth pecks away at my brain, advising me that this is the part where I give him the honesty he deserves. After which we can take any necessary steps to smooth over our first argument.

Stupidly, I don’t listen. I’m afraid of hurting him. Scared of what he’ll think of me more than I am of lying to him. All of my shameful insecurities about being used up or impure raining down on me like hail hurling to the ground in a dangerous thunderstorm.

I shake my head softly as I peer into his eyes, begging him to believe me and drop it. “No.”

His eyes soften before he drops his head, and his hands move to his hips. He’s quiet for a moment, and I want more than anything to reach out and touch him. To erase the last ten minutes and do whatever it takes to make him happy.

When he lifts his head to me again, I see his initial anger has waned in favor of hurt. He runs his hand down his face and neck before it comes to stop on his hard chest.

“I’m disappointed in you, Delilah.” His sullen tone causes my chest to ache.

He speaks the words I dread hearing most in the entire world. Immediately, I regret lying to Drew. The man who has done nothing but support me from day one.

The one who honorably turned down my advances and got me safely into bed when I was drunk.

Who saved me from further assault or injury in Mathieu the night of the attack.

Who took me in to keep me safe, who gave me a job and introduced me to a new family when I needed both.

“The only thing I’ve ever demanded from you is honesty.” As he’s always been able to do, Drew reads my thoughts like I’m an open book.

He’s right, though. He’s never made me feel like I owed him anything else.

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