Page 98 of Injustice and Absolution

I can’t tell him I’m upset he showed Josieagain.It will fall on deaf ears. But I can try to stand my ground elsewhere. If I want to squash my insecurities—or run headfirst into them—I need to start putting my foot down.

Taking a deep breath, I lick my lips before running my teeth along my bottom one, gearing up for what I need to say.

“You told the girls they should take notes. In order for that to happen, since you deleted the video, I’d have to give someone else a lap dance. I did it for you last night, even though I didn’t want to. But, Drew, it’s not something I can ever do again.”

The pride I feel from standing up for myself mixes with my fear of Drew’s reaction, and the flurry of dueling emotions leaves me dizzy. My eyes stay glued to him as I wait for the fallout of my statement.

“Babe,” he begins, throwing me off with a pet name he’s never used before. “I didn’t realize you didn’t want to. You should have said something.”

Is he joking?

I don’t know what to say to that.

I quickly shuffle through the events of last night, and no, while he didn’t exactlypressure meinto it, there’s no question I felt like I only had one option.

But what if this situation is a lesson in getting to know one another better? This relationship, at its heart, is still new. Maybe he really didn’t mean to make me feel that way. And since he didn’t blow up when I delivered my truth a minute ago, I decide to try it again.

“Well, if I’m being honest, I didn’t feel as though I had a choice. When I questioned you about it, you got angry. I felt like the only way to make it better was to give you what you wanted.”

Drew’s chest falls, and his hands find his hips. Shaking his head in disbelief, he focuses on a spot on the floor of his office.

The longer he takes to respond, the more my anxiety is fueled. The more I wish I could take back what I said, rewind back to the dressing room, and learn to love garnering attention the way the other girls do.

I wring my hands, waiting for his response. I don’t even care if he’s going to yell and scream at me; anything is better than the silence of the unknown.

Finally, he looks at me, and I brace myself for what comes next. But when I see the hurt in his eyes, it guts me.

“And maybe it’s my fault…” I step toward him, ready to take all the blame and ease his pain until he speaks.

“Delilah, I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. I’m no monster. I’m not your father.” His words are like icy knives cutting deep into my soul, and I freeze with my hand halfway to his cheek. “I can’t believe you’d compare me to someone as horrible as him.”

I can’t move. Can’t speak. I’m caught between fury that he’d say such a thing and confusion, wondering how he could possibly think I’d be vicious enough to equate him to someone like my father.

“I never said you were like him, I wouldneverdo that,” I deny, anger winning my internal battle. I’m pissed he would have the audacity to think I could ever be so cruel.

“You didn’t have to say the words, Delilah. I can feel the hatred coming from you.”

“I don’t hate you, I’m just angry,” I admit, tears of outrage pool in my eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. “My father was the absolute worst person I’ve ever known. For you to eventhinkI could possibly believe you’re anything like him... What the hell kind of person do you take me for?”

“I don’t know, but what do you expect me to think, Delilah? You’re telling me you felt forced into doing what you did. How do you think that makes me feel? And why the sudden change? You were fine last night. Both here and when we went home.”

I think back to our conversation from the previous night. The one we had when I was curled up in Drew’s arms.

“I bawled my eyes out in your arms, all night,” I remind him. “What did youthinkI was crying about?”

“You told me you were grateful to me for letting you in and sharing my fantasy with you. For giving you exactly what you needed. Word-for-word, that’s what you said.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He completely misunderstood my meaning. It’s my fault for choosing to ignore the bad and dissolve into the good.

“I was referring to the bath and for being so gentle with me. It’s been a while since you’ve made love to me, and more than anything else, I needed your tenderness after what happened. You can’t possibly think I meant Ineededto give someone else a lap dance? That I was grateful to you for making me gyrate on someone else while you filmed it? To be forced to…”

Oh my god.

I freeze, snapping my mouth closed before any more words can fly negligently from it. I almost told him I was forced to go to my happy place. How is thatnotthe same as comparing him to my father?

“Forced to what?” Drew provokes me, resentful of my outburst. His lip is curled and his eyes narrowed. Like he knows exactly what I was getting ready to say.

He steps in close to me, tightly gripping my biceps with his large fists. His eyes spew lava at me, the severity in his gaze extracting the words from my mouth.

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