Page 30 of Misery and Ecstasy

“McK.”Olivia scoffs and rolls her eyes at me.

“What?” I play dumb.

“Okay, one: youjusttold me he was dangerous. Two: drinking and drivingisdangerous.Andcrazy. And three: why did they send him to you and not to AA or rehab?”

I really can’t get into the whole MC-sheriff backdoor deal or whatever they have going on. First, because it isn’t safe for me to. Second, because I don’t understand it myself.

“Self-destructive behavior.” I shrug. “I mean, just because he got caught drinking and driving one time doesn’t mean he’s an alcoholic.”

“Oookay.” Olivia’s eyes grow wide as she picks up her menu, unable to hide her disapproval.

“Anyway…” I’m desperate to change the subject. I wish I never would have brought it up. I knew nothing good would come of it, no matter how badly I wanted someone to tell me I’m not insane. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Not sure… Chicken, maybe? What about you? Sounds like you’re in the mood for sausage.” Olivia laughs loudly, and I can’t help but join her.

“It’s been so long, Liv…” I manage to get the words out between fits of laughter. “I know my standards usually are super high, but for once I wish I could say fuck it and just get laid.”

“Sodo it.Get on a dating app, or just go to a bar like we used to. Find a guy who seems at least halfway decent, let him dick you good, then part ways. Easy peasy.”

“If only…”

* * *

All through dinner, Draven never left my mind.

I’ve never had a patient get up in the middle of a session or tell me we aren’t the right fit. The way I went about questioning him about his love life simply because I couldn’t get a handle on my own ecstasy was nothing short of deplorable behavior on my part. Doctors get their licenses stripped for bullshit like this.

“That was incredible. I love it here. The food never disappoints.” Olivia’s footsteps fall into line next to mine as we exit the restaurant into the parking lot.

I nod and hum in agreement with her, but unfortunately, I feel a little sick to my stomach. My dinner isn’t sitting well with me.

Or my behavior isn’t.

“Are you okay?” Olivia delicately grips my forearm and turns me to face her.

“Oh. Yeah, it’s just…” A twinge of pain throbs at my left temple. Pressing my fingers against the side of my head, I rub it gently. “That patient I was telling you about… He walked out in the middle of our session today. I upset him with my questioning.”

“What were you talking about? I know you can’t tell me much, but it’s not like I know who you’re talking about anyway.”

I look around us and see a couple nearby. Nodding toward Olivia’s car, I lead her over to it before leaning against the rear, driver’s side door. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I cross my arms and get ready for the tough love I know is coming. I’m dreading it, but if this is the punishment I need for what I put Draven through today, I’ll take it.

“What I told you earlier, the dream I had about my patient, that wasn’t quite the whole story.”

I briefly describe how I couldn’t set my own desire aside and questioned him about his love life more than I should have.

Stunned to silence, the only response I get from her is a set of raised eyebrows and a grimace.

“Yeah, I know. And then he got up and walked out.”

“Oh boy…”

Lowering my head, I look at the ground before speaking again.

“And now I’m both questioning myself and why I’m so bothered both by his dismissal of me as well as his lack of desire for a relationship. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me, Liv?”

“Well, I think you’re so bothered by him because he sounds just like you.”

“Excuse me?” My head flies up, and my eyes lock onto hers.

---