Page 32 of Misery and Ecstasy

“Hi Draven, this is McKinsey … um, Doctor Caraway.”

All this time, and I never knew her first name. It’s … unique and beautiful.

Just like her.

“I’d like to discuss and apologize for what happened at our last session. If you could give me a call back so we can schedule an appointment, that would be great. Alternatively, I have an opening at two o’clock today if you’re available then. Um… I-I guess that’s it for now. I hope to talk to you soon.”

She wants to apologize? That’s interesting. And unexpected.

Though she’s not completely at fault for my departure. I left because she was getting too close to unearthing my past.

Too close to Lillian.

I glance at the clock on my screen. I have more than enough time to finish the work Royce asked me to complete and still make it to her house by two.

Fine. I promised Royce one more week. I think I can keep her from digging around where she’s not welcome for a few more days. Best to get it over with.

Quickly saving her number to my phone, I pull up my text messages to send one to her. I’m not ready to speak to her just yet. Not without properly preparing myself first.

Me:

It’s Draven. See you at 2.

Three little dots appear as she types her reply. I stare at the screen, watching the dots bounce. It takes forever, so when her message finally comes through, I figure she must’ve typed out and erased everything she was trying to say several times before sending the three words she decided on.

Doc Caraway:

See you then.

I stare at her message for longer than I mean to, my mind voraciously curious to know what else she wanted to say. Maybe I can get it out of her later.

* * *

I see the doc at her door, saying goodbye to her last patient as I pull up to her house.

Her smile is infectious, and I wish I was worthy of it. It pains me to know I’ll never see it directed at me. She doesn’t realize it, but her eyes meet mine through my blacked-out windshield before she lets the door close behind her. I’m ten minutes early, so I decide to wait in my car for a few before going in.

I’m as prepared as I can be for my appointment. I jerked off in the shower before I left to come here. I dowsed myself in cologne to try to ward off the scent of her as much as possible. I can’t bear sitting in her office with a hard-on again.

Watching as she fingers her hair.

As she rubs her thighs together, uncrossing and recrossing her legs.

Was it an innocent repositioning of her body yesterday? Or something else entirely? A motion to quell an ache she doesn’t want to admit to having.

Regardless, if she were to notice me sporting an unfortunately timed boner, it would end me.

Finally getting up enough nerve, I exit my car. Instead of walking right in, I knock on the storm door and wait.

“Come in, Draven,”I hear her call from the other room.“Can you close the door behind you?”

I step into the hallway then close the heavy front door behind me. I remove my boots, blaming it on wanting to be polite when I know it’s just another way to delay being closed in her office. Once they’re off, I shut my eyes and silently tell myself that I can make it through. It’s just one hour. Sixty minutes spent evading her questioning. It’s an easy task compared to those I’ve had to complete in my past.

Entering her office, my eyes land on her as she writes furiously on a notepad at her desk.

“Have a seat. I’ll be right with you.” She doesn’t look up as she gives her order.

I settle onto the couch, sitting in the same corner I have the other two times I’ve been here.

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